


Black Hole

by curlyremus



Series: constellations universe [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boys in love but they’re hopeless, Domestic Violence, F/M, Graphic Violence, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, It’s not completely dark, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Smut, Texting, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dark themes, there are some really soft and lighthearted moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-12-26 20:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18289688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyremus/pseuds/curlyremus
Summary: When a star dies, it collapses and creates a black hole, taking everything in with it.Twelve years after Sirius and Remus break up, the truth comes out but at what price?This is the sequel to my fic constellations, so it’s probably best to read that before this for context.





	1. 12 years later

**Author's Note:**

> Remus is italics. Sirius is bold. Lily is bold italics. James is underlined italics. Teddy is underlined.

* * *

######  _TWELVE YEARS LATER_

######  _FRIDAY_

 

(15:29)  do i have to come to james’ birthday thing? 

 

(15:31) _No_

 

(15:33)  what do i get if i do come? 

 

(15:34) _Dinner and cake_

 

(15:35)  will it be weird vegan food? 

 

(15:40) _It’s curry night, so I assume that there will be options like there always is_

 

(15:42)  will the cake be vegan? 

 

(15:43) _Teddy, I don’t know. You could always ask James yourself._

 

(15:46)  uncle james always leaves me on read 

 

(15:48) _Ask Lily._

 

(15:49)  fine 

 

(15:52)  it’s not vegan 

 

(16:01) _And is that a good thing?_

 

(16:07)  yes. 

 

(16:49) _Class just finished, I’ll be home in 30. Can you get the curry and be ready to leave by then?_

 

——

 

Remus and Teddy walked into the Potter’s residence and headed to their kitchen where Lily stood frying papadums. She halted her cooking when she saw Remus, she kissed his cheek before taking the pot of curry from Teddy’s arms.

 

Lily opened the lid and looking down at the curry, which looked like chickpeas in dark sauce. She raised her eyebrow before asking, “what on Earth is this?”

 

“Amritsari chole,” Remus said. Lily made space on the bench top for the pot before getting Teddy and Remus a beer.

 

“I think most people are out the back,” she said going back to the papadums. James came through the backdoor and started kissing his wife down her neck. Teddy quickly went outside after the start of display of affection.

 

Lily and Remus were catching up on their week when Harry came into the room before pulling Remus into his bedroom. Remus sat with him patiently helping him with his English homework. After spending twenty minutes helping, Remus left the room and went outside. He felt his heart drop when he saw Teddy talking to Sirius. Teddy tried to wave him over but Remus ignored his son and went back inside.

 

He hadn’t seen Sirius since they broke up, which was messy and painful. Sirius had left Remus standing at the altar after finding the final draft of a book, that was all about him. Lily had come running down the aisle and had to whisper what happened in front of everyone. When Remus got home, Sirius was packing all his things. He watched him silently, as he walked out of the door with a suitcase in his hand.

 

Remus never talked to Teddy about Sirius or what happened. He doesn’t even know if Teddy knows that they were together or for that period of his life that he used to call him Dad. Everything that happened between Sirius and himself, he kept at the back of his mind because it always hurt to think about.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me _he_ was going to be here?” Remus hissed at Lily.

 

“It’s been twelve years, you two need to stop ignoring each other,” she calmly spoke as she fished out the papadums from the fryer and put them on a plate. “I swear you two would’ve died if you were more than a foot apart, now you can’t be in a mile of each other,” she said placing her hand on her hip.

 

“Mate, it’s tiring. We love you both and we know that you two don’t want to even know if each other is breathing,” James sighed as he got plates and cutlery out. “But, it’s gotten to the point it’s ridiculous. You’re both Harry’s godparents, what if we die?” he said. Lily shot James a death glare before smiling at her best friend.

 

Remus has noticed since Tonks died, everyone had been treating him like he was about to break as if they had been together. Remus couldn’t understand why everyone was worried about him. Teddy has actually been in the car with Tonks and his step mum when a drunk driver crashed into them. The drunk driver and Teddy were the only survivors.

 

“Remus, he didn’t mean it like that,” Lily said gently. She always somehow managed to be compassionate in the tiniest ways.

 

“It’s fine,” he shrugged.

 

“We’re glad you came back home, though. We hated having you in Wales.”

 

“I needed to get away.”

 

James called everyone for food, they all ended up sitting out the back eating huge amounts of food. There was small talk between everyone, mostly just catching up.

 

Remus was sat between Alice and Gideon, he purposely positioned himself at the other end of the table to Sirius, so that they didn’t have to interact. He knows they eventually will have to, but he is keeping it off until necessary.

 

Eventually, the Weasley kids, Neville, Harry and Teddy went into the family room when their parents started to get more drunk. Lily had taken to sitting on James’ lap, Sirius on Fabian’s and Molly was curled up beside Arthur.

 

“Truth or drink,” James announced. The crowd was split between eye-rolling and cheering.

 

“Fucking hell, no,” Remus folded his arms.

 

“You’re so boring,” Alice elbowed him with a massive smile on her face.

 

“No, we’re no longer eighteen and you know most things about me.”

 

“Don’t be a cunt,” James said from across the table. He knew everyone’s eyes were on him but he could feel Sirius’ gaze without even looking at him to check. After their four years of being together, it had become almost like his sixth sense.

 

“Whatever, someone is going to end up crying, I’m certain of it,” he gave in and people cheered.

 

Most of the questions were of the sexual sort. Remus was thankful that Teddy has decided to hang out with the kids, he didn’t want Teddy to know these things about him and he didn’t want to know these things about Teddy.

 

“Remus, why did you do what you did?” Sirius asked, after hours of playing the game.

 

Remus wanted the earth to swallow him whole just to get away from some of the glares from people. Sirius was sitting forward, almost as if he was going to leap across the table. The tension in the room was suffocating.

 

“I didn’t do what you think I did, you assumed I did,” he said coolly despite panicking inside.

 

“If you’re not going to answer it, take a drink,” Sirius huffed, folding his arms and clenching his jaw.

 

“I did answer it.”

 

“You wrote a book about my personal shit and published it, you made money from exploiting me.”

 

“I have never received even a fucking pound from it. It wasn’t-”

 

“Sirius, it was Peter,” James cut Remus off.

 

“What do you mean it was Peter?” Sirius turned his head to face her.

 

“Peter stole Remus’ notebook thing and I guess fictionalised it, he was the one who sent it into the publishers. That’s why we don’t talk to him anymore,” Lily explained.

 

“What?” Sirius mumbled, looking over at Remus who was fixated on the same beer he had with dinner.

 

“He took the fall for it because he blamed himself and didn’t think he deserved you,” James went on to say.

 

“You do realise I can speak for myself,” Remus said.

 

“You weren’t going to just come straight out and say it,” Lily rolled her eyes.

 

Remus sighed, “some things are just better left in the past.”

 

“Can we talk in private, please?” Sirius asked desperately. He tried to catch eye contact but Remus was refusing to meet it.

 

“I’m going to go home,” Remus announced, putting on his leather jacket.

 

“Rem,” Sirius pleaded standing up.

 

“Sirius, sit,” Fabian said, Sirius did just that.

 

Remus went into the living room and found all of them asleep on the couch. He wrote a note to Teddy saying that he found him asleep on the couch and didn’t want to wake him but will pick him up in the morning.

 

He found his way to his car and as he was unlocking it Fabian had approached him. “Can I talk to you?” he asked shutting the door as Remus had opened it.

 

“If you must,” Remus sighed.

 

“Remus, I know he’s settling for me, he’s been waiting for some other guy since we first got together, just he’s so fucking paranoid that someone will sell him out for being gay,” Fabian said desperately. He continued, “he moved in with you like two months into the relationship and I’ve only just managed to get him to stay the night, we’ve been together for ten years.”

 

“I’m not going to go after him, I don’t have any interest in picking up from where we left off,” Remus stated. “It was over when he didn’t turn up to our wedding,” he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

Fabian gave him an unconvinced nod and started to walk away when Sirius came out of the house and

 

“Rem,” Sirius said softly.

 

“Sirius, go back inside,” Fabian instructed.

 

“You should do what he says,” Remus said getting into his car.

 

“Remus,” nagged Sirius.

 

“Inside now,” he demanded.

 

“I can do what I want,” he snapped. Fabian was taken aback from his boyfriend’s outburst. “We need to talk,” he said again looking at Remus.

 

“Why Sirius? What do you need to say that hasn’t been said before?” Remus asked, not waiting for a response, he shut the door. “Goodbye Sirius, Fabian.”


	2. WEEK 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> texting, university and teddy.

######  _THURSDAY_

 

(13:29) **hello? is this remus?**

 

(20:01) **ik this is remus**

 

 

 

######  _FRIDAY_

 

(21:48) **moony, i know it’s you**

 

(22:05) _What do you want Sirius?_

 

(22:07) **wow how nice of you**

 

(22:10) _I don’t have anything to say to you_

 

(22:18) **in my goddamn fucking defence you just let me fucking leave and didn’t tell me otherwise**

 

(22:22) _All this happened over a decade ago, leave it and me, alone._ _I am not interested in whatever you’re trying to do._

 

(22:25) **why?**

 

(22:28) _Because I lost all respect to you when you left me on our wedding day_

 

(22:33) **i just want to fix things between us**

 

(22:37) _You have a boyfriend._

 

(22:39) **fuck off, i didn’t mean it like that**

 

(22:42) _Please, just leave me alone_

 

(22:45) **whatever.**

 

 

######  _TUESDAY_

 

Sirius watched him from the top of the lecture hall carefully place things inside his briefcase. He has just sat through eight hours of Remus talking about writing. Sirius had to admit that he had fallen asleep during it for three hours. If he wasn’t so dedicated to talk to the man he would’ve left during the first hour.

 

Sirius stood quietly at the bottom of the stairs, Remus had his back towards him. His gaze went down to the man’s arse as he lent over the desk. “I completely understand why people have teacher kinks now,” he said.

 

According to Sirius, it was unfair how amazing Remus looked after all these years. He had hoped that time had been less kind and somehow made him look completely different. Yet, he looked like a buffer older version of himself who traded in a leather jacket for tweed.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Remus cursed at the sound of the man’s voice. He looked back at Sirius and rolled his eyes before going back to sorting his briefcase out.

 

“You can call me Sirius,” he smirked leaning against the desk beside Remus.

 

“I call you a goddamn pain in my arse,” Remus deadpanned.

 

“Is that so?” he raised his eyebrow. Remus did not look amused at all. “You look good, professor,” he said, tugging on the tweed sleeve.

 

Remus found himself over the past week not being able to focus on anything. His mind was constantly full of Sirius. Thinking about what he was doing, remembering everything they did together, wondering if he was thinking about him. Having Sirius on his mind constantly made him feel like he was a teenager again, but back then he was a very welcome distraction — now it’s just a pain.

 

He ran his fingers through is tawny curls. It was a habit he picked up from Sirius and hadn’t been able to shake since not that he would admit that. “What the hell are you doing here?” he sighed.

 

“It was a free conference and I’m very interested in writing from the 19th century,” he held his hands up in defence. Remus rolled his eyes and continued to put the paper into his briefcase.

 

“That or insane, they’re the only logical reasons to sit in on an eight-hour conference.”

 

“Or maybe it’s good to hear your voice,” he said softly, a pained expression was painted across Remus’ face. He did mean it, at one point in his life Remus could just say any word and it would bring him back down from whatever metaphorical ledge he was on.

 

Remus shut his briefcase before walking out of the lecture hall, Sirius quickly followed him. They walked down multiple hallways and out of a building into the car park. Remus went to unlock the car when he saw Sirius standing at the passenger side.

 

“Sirius, leave me alone,” he whined.

 

“If we got married, do you think we’d still be together?” Sirius asked. Remus groaned and ran his fingers through his hair, _again_.

 

“I don’t know, you don’t know, we will never know,” he explained.

 

Sirius said, “I asked do you think.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Remus unlocked the car and took sat in the driver's spot, Sirius quickly sat in the passenger seat. “I’ve done a lot of shit over my life, but leaving you and Ted was one of the hardest things,” Sirius looked at his hands.

 

“Sirius.”

 

Sirius have a quick glance over to Remus, he was resting his head on the steering wheel with his eyes shut tightly. He took a deep breath and decided to just tell him what he needed to say. “Teddy is dealing with a lot of stuff, he needs his dad,” he said.

 

“What do you mean?” Remus looked over at him quickly.

 

“He’s been texting me since the last week,” Sirius admitted.

 

——

 

Remus came out of his bedroom with a large shoebox in his hands and passed it to Sirius, who was sitting at the tiny Ikea dining table. Sirius opened the box and it was full of pictures and things that he had left behind.

 

“You kept all of it?” Sirius looked up at Remus, who was standing behind him. Remus didn’t answer but Sirius took his silence as a yes.

 

Sirius felt as if his heart was melting as he looked at the photos of them happy and _together_. The way he looked at him in the photos almost made him feel ashamed for his relationship with Fabian. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Fabian, it was just he couldn’t seem to love anyone to an extent he did with Remus.

 

His and Remus’ relationship was far from perfect at times, especially when he was away for work but they loved each other. It all happened quickly and intensely, it was as if one day they moved into each other’s pockets and decided to live there. They were happy up until the end.

 

The wedding was at a private garden on the outskirts of London and they were going to fly out to Greece right after the reception. Sirius was also going to come out as gay with their wedding photos. Since they didn’t get married, he never came out.

 

Sirius came across their engagement photos, in most they’re looking at each other as if they’re the most beautiful artworks they’d had seen. When Sirius wasn’t looking, Remus still looked at him that way.

 

“What happened to us?” Sirius asked as he ran his finger over the picture of them.

 

“Don’t ask me, you’re the one that left,” he retorted as he walked away from Sirius. “I have something to give to you,” he called out from his bedroom.

 

“A present?” Sirius replied. Remus came out holding a golden gramophone and Sirius’ heart dropped. His voice wavered as he spoke, “Rem, no… I gave that to you.”

 

Remus placed it on the table. As Sirius stared at the award he felt himself starting to cry, he didn’t want to cry because of him. “I don’t want it,” Remus folded his arms.

 

“It’s yours,” Sirius said. He pushed down his feelings and held back his tears. “I wrote it for our wedding day,” he explained.

 

Remus stated, “exactly, I don’t want it.”

 

The tension in the room was high. Sirius looked at the Grammy solemnly while Remus looked at him longingly from the side.

 

The door to the flat opened and Teddy came in and threw his bag on the couch. “What is happening here?” he asked no one in particular.

 

“Nothing,” Remus uttered as he walked out onto the balcony and pulled out a cigarette.

 

Ted shrugged. He noticed the Grammy sitting on the table. “Is that a Grammy?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded.

 

“Can I touch it?”

 

“You can hold it if you want.”

 

Teddy smiles and picked up the award. He was extremely focused on it. “National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, Sirius Black, Song of the Year 2022, For Your Love“ he read out the engraving. It was so weird to have such an iconic item in his own home along with Sirius himself. “Why is it even here?” he asked.

 

“I gave it to your dad when I won it,” Sirius nonchalantly said, still going through the photos.

 

“You gave him a Grammy?” he raised his eyebrow.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Why?”

 

Sirius sighed, “I wrote the song for him.”

 

“Why would you write him a song?” Teddy asked perplexed.

 

Sirius has come across a picture of him and Teddy. It was the summer of 2020, Fleur had taken Tonks away to France to meet her family so Teddy was staying with him and Remus for the summer. The day the photo was taken was a particularly hot day, Sirius had decided to sunbathe in the yard and Teddy had taken upon himself to lie on top of him.

 

“Are you going to answer my question?” Teddy asked again. Sirius snapped his head up.

 

“Sorry, what was it?” he asked.

 

He repeated, “did you write my dad a song?”

 

“Because I was young and in love,” he explained while still looking at the picture. Teddy looked at him as if he told him that the earth turns for the first time.

 

“You were in love with my dad?” he muttered.

 

“Yeah,” Sirius ran his fingers through his short hair. He started cutting it short after he left Remus. When it was long it reminded him of Remus. Remus used to play with it and run his fingers through it and when they’d snog he’d twirl it around his fingers. Sirius hated when people would touch his hair but whenever Remus did it, he felt like a giddy school kid.

 

Sirius slid the photo across the table to Teddy. “Is that you and me?” he asked.

 

“Yep.”

 

Remus eventually came inside and started cooking dinner. When they retreated to the couch Teddy decided to go to his room. He didn’t exactly want to see his father flirt.

 

They talked for hours catching up. Sirius mainly just listened to Remus talk about his life. How after they broke up he moved to Cardiff and got a PhD in English Literature. That after Tonks died, Teddy lived with him in Wales for a year before them moving back to London for him to go to uni.

 

Sirius’ eyes were lustful as he placed his hand on Remus’ knee and leant in for a kiss. Remus wanted to pull him in close but he promised Fabian that he wouldn’t go there, that he didn’t even _think_ of going there. That was a major lie itself, he has always wanted Sirius, even when he was in Wales hating him.

 

“It’s getting late, you should probably go,” Remus moved his leg from under Sirius’ hand. Sirius looked at Remus shattered. He felt like an arsehole but he knew if he even let Sirius think he was interested things would escalate.

 

“Yeah, go,” Sirius said weakly. He looked at Remus one last time who was refusing to look at him before walking out.

 

“Why’d you let tell him to go?” Teddy’s voice broke the silence. Remus sighed throwing his head back.

 

“You’re too young to understand,” Remus replied. He pushed himself off the couch and started to clean up the coffee table, he walked into the kitchen and Teddy followed him.

 

“I’m an adult,” he crossed his arms and leaned against the archway to the kitchen. He added, “I can vote and I can drive.”

 

Remus shook his head and laughed as he washed up the dishes from dinner. “If you’re such an adult, help dry,” he threw a tea towel at Teddy.

 

Teddy hesitantly caught the tea towel and walked over to the sink and started drying the dishes. He eyed his father. “is Sirius… have you been with other men?” he asked.

 

Remus sighed, “yeah, I’m gay.”

 

“Oh, all right then,” Teddy nodded.

 

“Is that a problem?” he raised an eyebrow.

 

“No… I think I am too. I don’t know though,” he mumbled. Remus looked over to his son who had been drying the same plate the entire time.

 

Remus thought about what Sirius said about him going through stuff and how he needed his dad. He felt guilty about not realising it sooner. The way Teddy looked at his best friend didn’t seem platonic but he figured that he had it under control and when he was ready he would tell him. It never crossed his mind that he might be struggling with it.

 

Remus stopped washing the mug and faced Teddy. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

 

He sighed, “not today.”

 

“Okay, I’m here if you ever do,” he smiled at him. Teddy smiled back and started drying a new plate.


	3. WEEK 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> parenting, sirius and sexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been stuck on this chapter for a while and i just can't seem to add anything more, so here's a small chapter

######  _SATURDAY_

 

(10:28) **_Sirius just told us about what happened_ **

 

(10:32) _And what happened?_

 

(10:35) **_Everyone knows you two are soul mates._ **

 

(10:37) _Lily_

 

(10:40) **_Do you want to come over for a cuppa?_ **

 

(10:42) _Not particularly_

 

 

######  _MONDAY_

 

Remus came home from university, he put his keys down and walked towards Teddy’s room to ask him what he wanted for dinner. “Ted, what do you want to for…” He started to say before he opened the bedroom door and saw Teddy was sitting on his best friend’s lap with his tongue down his throat.

 

Teddy pulled back from the kiss and Oscar, his best friend, whines at the loss of contact. “Dad, get out!” he yelled.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Remus mumbled. He quickly shut the door and made his way to the balcony before lighting a cigarette. He took long drags of his cigarette, flicking the ash into the tray every so often.

 

Since Teddy admitted he thought he might be gay they hadn’t talked about it since. Remus decided it was best to let him take reigns with the conversation.

 

There was a small cough that broke him from his thoughts. “Mr Lupin,” Oscar approached him. Remus raised his eyebrows at the form of address.

 

Remus laughed, “Oscar, I’ve known you since you were a kid, you can still call me Remus.”

 

The way Oscar paced around the balcony made it clear that he was extremely nervous. Remus patiently waited for him to say something else but he didn’t. He kept opening his mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. Oscar smiled a little and sat down in the chair across from Remus.

 

“Can you?” Oscar pretended to put out a cigarette, trying to get Remus to follow in suit. He sucked in a breath but did what he was asked regardless. He mumbled, “thank you.”

 

Teddy came out onto the balcony, the drawstrings of his hoodie were tightened around this face. Without his hair in his face, he looked almost exactly like his Japanese mother. He had her facial features but Remus’ bone structure. Remus never quite understood why people say he looks like him.

 

He sat down at the head of the table, which was between his father and his best friend. It was clear no one wanted to speak first, he especially didn’t want to. He just stared off the balcony and watched the sun set slowly.

 

“So, is one of you going to talk or…” Remus asked.

 

Nobody said anything. Oscar went home after half an hour. Teddy ended up cooking some chips and going to his room. Remus heated up leftover minestrone and went over some student’s papers.

 

######  _TUESDAY_

 

(10:28)  Is Sirius Black finally off the market? <link>

 

(10:30) _Why did you send me this?_

 

(10:31)  shit i didn’t mean to 

 

(10:31)  she could be anyone! 

 

(10:34) _Her name is Marlene McKinnon, she’s a 24 year-old model_

 

(10:36)  and how do you know that? 

 

(10:37) _It’s in the article_

 

(10:38)  so you read it? 

 

(10:40) _Teddy, I’m at work, can it wait?_

 

(10:41)  ik for a fact ur not doing anything. you wouldn’t even reply to me if you were in the middle of class or something. 

 

(10:42)  what do you think of it? 

 

(10:43) _Sirius is gay._

 

(10:45)  are you sure? 

 

(10:47) _Yes, I am._

 

(10:48)  shes pretty 

 

(10:51) _Why are we talking about this when I walked in on you and Oscar yesterday?_

 

(10:53)  yeah nah, we’re not gonna talk about that 

 

(10:54) _Yeah nah, we’re not gonna talk about Sirius either_

 

——

 

(13:29) _Listen, Sirius, if you feel the need to follow me, I’d prefer it’s you instead of some girl_

 

(13:34) **don’t flatter yourself, it’s got nothing to do with me**

 

(13:37) _Really? I wouldn’t mind if it was._

 

(13:41) **definitely, nothing to do with me. if it was, it would be me following you not some girl.**

 

(13:43) _Alright, if you insist._

 

######  _WEDNESDAY_

 

(21:18)  Dad? 

 

(21:20) _Yes?_

 

[ INCOMING CALL FROM TED ]

 

“ _Ted, are you okay?”_

 

“I’m fine, I just want to talk.” 

 

 _“Okay._ ”

 

“ _Ted, what’s wrong?”_

 

“Nothing is wrong, why do you think something is wrong?” 

 

_“Because you’re crying.”_

 

“I’m allowed to cry.” 

 

“ _You are. Why are crying? Did something happen with Oscar?”_

 

“Jesus fuck. Everything with him is okay.” 

 

_“Teddy, I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”_

 

“He doesn’t want to be with me.” 

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

“It hurts.” 

 

_“I know it does. Do you know why?”_

 

“He says I’m confused and not actually gay.” 

 

_“Do you want me to pick you up?”_

 

“No, I’m alright.” 

 

_“Ted, don’t… fuck… I’m really bad at this. Don’t feel pressured into choosing a label, you don’t have to be sure straight away that you’re that one thing, even if you do figure it out, you’re not tied to it forever.”_

 

“Dad…” 

 

“ _I mean it. Some people always know, some people’s sexuality changes as they get older, some people’s don’t.”_

 

“What about you?” 

 

_“What about me Ted?”_

 

“Have you always been gay?” 

 

_“Er, no. Once upon a time, I liked women.”_

 

“But you don’t anymore?” 

 

_“Correct. As I said, some people’s sexuality is fluid, some aren’t. It’s not something you are chained and bound to. You don’t have to be sure of anything right now and you don’t have to be sure in ten years time.”_

 

“Yeah…” 

 

_“Are you at his place? Do you want me to pick you up?”_

 

“No, I’ll catch the tube.” 


	4. WEEK 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotels, dates and stalkers.

 

######  _THURSDAY_

 

Remus woke up in an unfamiliar room with a pounding headache. Everything in his body was sore. He slowly sat up, his surroundings were incredibly posh. He noticed he was completely naked against the sheets.

 

Sirius came into the room in just joggers with two mugs in his hand. Remus felt a panic rise inside of him as Sirius passed him the mug. Did they sleep together? Was he still dating Fabian? What the hell even happened last night? Pushing aside all the questions that were swirling around his head, he took the mug of black tea.

 

“How are you feeling this morning?” Sirius smiled sitting on the other side of the bed.

 

“Did we shag?” He asked, despite being afraid of the answer. If it were a yes, what would happen? Do they get back together and go back to being a happy family? If it was a no, what actually did happen?

 

“No, I wouldn't sleep with you while you were drunk,” Sirius said and took a sip of his tea. “I know what it’s like,” he added, under his breath.

 

“You’ve got a nice place,” Remus changed the subject. The bed was a king and covered in expensive pillows, the room was white and had gold furnishings. Everything looked expensive. The bed itself was probably worth more than the flat he and Teddy lived it.

 

“It’s a hotel,” Sirius corrected. “No way I’d let you anywhere near my place,” he added.

 

Remus mumbled, “oh.”

 

Sirius saw Remus’ hurt expression on his face.“I meant, I live with Fabian,” he sighed. He leaned over and brushed the hair out of Remus’ face. “Let’s just say, if he saw you he’d probably punch you.”

 

“ _Oh_.”

 

Sirius smiled softly, “I spend most of my time here anyway.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“If I could leave him, I would.”

 

“Why don’t you?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

“It’s complicated,” Sirius sighed, looking down at the head of the snake tattoo that peeped out from the cuffs of his jogging bottoms.

 

“You’re lonely,” Remus said, he put the mug on the bedside table.

 

“I’m always lonely, it’s nothing new,” he ran his fingers through his hair. He started growing it out again, it wasn’t much longer than last time Remus saw him though. “The only time I haven’t been lonely was when I was with you.”

 

Remus leaned in and kissed him. Sirius immediately opened his mouth and submitted into the kiss. Remus took Sirius’ mug out of his hands and put it next to his. Sirius wrapped his arms around his neck and moved onto his lap.

 

Remus had always known that the moment he kissed Sirius again, that it would be consuming. Sirius had always drawn him in but now it’s at the intoxicating point where he wouldn’t know how to stop if he had to. He had wanted this for so long.

 

Sirius moaned as Remus’ kissed along his jaw and down his neck before stopping at his clavicle and sucking on the skin. Fear arose in Sirius’ chest at the thought of having a mark and what Fabian would do. “Rem, love, stop,” Sirius whined.

 

Remus pulled back quickly, “sorry.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sirius cradled his face in his hands. “Just, Fabian. I can’t have marks,” he leaned back in to kiss him but Remus pulled away. Sirius whined as Remus pushed him off him.

 

After twelve years of being apart, it annoyed Remus that Sirius brought Fabian up. “Of course,” Remus sighed. “You have a boyfriend, you should probably go back to him or your girlfriend.”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know I’m not _actually_ dating her, right?” he grunted.

 

“Doesn’t matter.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Sirius climbed back onto Remus’ lap and cupped his cheeks. “I want to be with you, it’s just complicated,” he said sincerely.

 

“So you say,” Remus removed Sirius’ hands from his face.

 

Sirius sighed. “It is, you don’t see what happens behind closed doors.”

 

“What happens then?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

“You’re right, I have a boyfriend,” Sirius got off the bed and started making his way to the doorway.

 

“Sirius,” he called out.

 

“The room is already paid for, check out is at midday,” Sirius shut the bedroom door. Remus threw a pillow at it.

 

 

######  _MONDAY_

 

Remus walked into his flat to see Teddy and Sirius sitting on the couch, both drinking wine and laughing. Jacob, Remus’ date, stood next to him just as confused about what they walked in on.

 

“Why’re you here?” Remus asked.

 

“I didn’t realise you had company,” Sirius slurred a little.

 

“Actually, I told him you were out on a date but he insisted on waiting for you,” Teddy corrected.

 

“I think I should go,” Jacob said.

 

“Yes, you should,” Sirius said. The man quickly said goodbye to Remus before exiting the flat. “So you were going to fuck me while you were dating someone else but get shitty with me?” Sirius scolded.

 

Teddy looked at his father wide-eyed before at Sirius. Remus shook his head in disbelief. “Teddy,” he sighed. It was a signal for Teddy to leave the room. He didn’t want his son to witness what was about to go down, not because it was going to be violent, but because he didn’t think it was something he should have to see.

 

“Got it,” he said and went to his bedroom.

 

“I’m not dating him,” Remus said putting his keys and wallet on the dining table.

 

“You were on a date, were you not?” Sirius seethed.

 

“Yes but I’m not dating him,” he explained, Sirius rolled his eyes. “You need to leave,” Remus added, folding his arms.

 

“ _I_ need to leave?” he laughed.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I came here to apologise,” Sirius looked down at his feet.

 

“Then apologise and leave.”

 

“No, not until you explain to me what that was,” he pointed at the front door.

 

“What’s it to you?” Remus walked closer to Sirius, so there was only a metre between them.

 

“You were going to fuck him, weren’t you?” he asked.

 

“As a matter of fact, I was,” Sirius flinched. “Now Sirius, what's it to you?” Remus implored.

 

Sirius felt sick to his stomach, he couldn’t believe Remus bought a guy back to fuck only a few days after they kissed. It felt like he meant nothing to Remus. “Was I just a fuck to you? Is that how you see me?” Sirius folded his arms. Remus just looked at him pathetically before walking towards the kitchen. “Are you going to say anything?” Sirius quickly blocked the archway with his body so Remus couldn’t get through.

 

Remus shrugged, “not until you answer my question.”

 

“Which is?” he rolled his eyes.

 

“What is it to fucking you?” Remus moved Sirius against the wall.

 

“I’ve always been clear about my feelings,” he shot.

 

“What feelings?” he deadpanned.

 

“You’re a fucking dick, a goddamn fucking dickhead,” Sirius screamed pushing Remus back.

 

“I thought that’s what you liked or has your preferences changed?” Remus taunted with a smirk on his face.

 

“Who the fuck even was that guy?” Sirius changed the subject.

 

“Why does it matter?”

 

Sirius asked, “are you in love with him?”

 

“Hardly.”

 

“So you were just going to fuck and dump him as you did with me?” Sirius accused.

 

Remus defended, “I didn’t even fuck you and by the way, _you_ dumped _me_.”

 

“Because you’re a fucking wanker,” he retorted.

 

Remus stepped closer to Sirius, their chests were practically touching. “Why are you here if I’m such a fucking wanker?” Remus said putting his hand on the wall above Sirius’ head, he peered down at him. He looked up at Remus, slack-jawed. Sirius wanted Remus to kiss him and fuck him against the fucking wall. “I’m still waiting for that apology,” he walked away after a few moments of silence.

 

“You’ll be waiting a while, but it’s alright, you got to practice on our wedding day.”

 

“Fucking leave now!” Remus yelled. Sirius stepped back against the wall with his hands up in defeat. Remus could hear the pain and emotion in his voice, he hated that he let that comment get to him. The failed wedding day was a sore spot for him and always has been.

 

Sirius didn’t know what he expected when he said that, but Remus had never yelled at him like that ever. They did fight when they were together but it never got to point where Remus _actually_ yelled, he raised his voice but never yelled. Yelling and screaming was what he did.

 

“Fine,” he shrugged stepping out from Remus. “Wait, I forgot something,” he said grabbing the red wine bottle and walked around the room pouring the remains on the carpet. He smashed the bottle before leaving with his head held high.

 

When Sirius closed the door behind him, Remus started crying.

 

 

######  _TUESDAY_

 

(09:43) _SIRIUS IS SO INFURIATING_

 

(09:45) **_Good morning to you too_ **

 

(09:47) _HE MAKES ME WANT TO BASH MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL_

 

(09:49) **_What did he do?_ **

 

(09:51) _We were kissing_

 

(09:52) **_About time_ **

 

(09:52) _Lily_

 

(09:53) **_Okay okay_ **

 

(09:57) _It turned to shit, Fabian came up and he basically left. Days later he turns up at my house and yelled at me about going on a date when he’s got a boyfriend._

 

(09:58) **_Sirius isn’t exactly dating him_ **

 

(09:59) _What?_

 

(10:01) **_It’s complicated_ **

 

(10:03) _So he keeps saying_

 

(10:05) **_Remus_ **

 

(10:07) _What?_

 

(10:10) **_He loves you, he always has._ **

 

(10:13) **_Whenever we saw him he asked about you and Teddy_ **

 

(10:13) **_He always said, doesn’t even matter_ **

 

(10:15) _You don’t get to start texting something but don’t go through with it._

 

(10:16) _He said what_

 

(10:19) **_He always said he’d leave Fabian for you in a heartbeat, even when he thought that you wrote the book_ **

 

(10:21) _He hasn’t_

 

(10:22) **_It is complicated, Remus_ **

 

(10:23) _Why?_

 

(10:35) **_That has to come from him_ **

 

(10:37) **_Whatever happened, just apologise to him and tell him how you feel_ **

 

(10:38) _Lily_

 

(10:42) **_I know you haven’t dated anyone since him and I know it’s because you’re still in love with him. Just apologise._ **

 

(10:44) _Maybe I just like being single_

 

(10:46) **_Can you honestly say that you would prefer to be alone over being with Sirius?_ **

 

(10:47) _It doesn’t matter what I want, it never has, it depends on what he wants. He has made it clear that I’m not that._

 

(10:49) **_Fucking hell Remus. Sirius would do anything for you if you just ask. It might take some time but he would do it. SO JUST ASK._ **

 

(10:52) _It’s not that easy_

 

(10:53) **_Men are so fucking stupid. Yes, it’s that fucking easy._ **

 

(10:55) **_If you tell Sirius you love him and want to be with him, he would leave Fabian in a heartbeat._ **

 

(10:57) **_He doesn’t know where tf he stands with you, that’s why he hasn’t done anything. He wants something absolute. So go up to the idiot and tell him you’re in love with him._ **

 

(10:59) _It can’t be that fucking easy_

 

(11:03) **_JUST DO IT. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?_ **

 

(11:06) _What if he doesn’t want me?_

 

(11:09) **_THEN HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. AT LEAST YOU KNOW YOU TRIED INSTEAD OF TEXTING YOUR BEST FRIEND WHINING ABOUT HIM._ **

 

(11:11) **_I HAVEN'T BEEN MARRIED RO JAMES SINCE I WAS 19 BECAUSE HE DIDN'T JUST FUCKING WAIT AROUND. HE FUCKING DID SOMETHING. STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH AND DO SOMETHING._ **

 

——

 

(11:39) _Hey, can we talk?_

 

(11:48) **idk can we?**

 

(11:49) **i’ll be at the cafe in an hour**

 

(11:53) _Okay_

 

(13:34) **fuck you remus. i’ve been waiting for almost a fucking hour. i’m a fucking dickhead i'm aware but you didn’t have to fucking set me up.**

 

(13:37) _Sirius, it wasn’t like that_

 

(13:38) _That person is following me again. I should’ve texted you. If the person is a journalist, you’d be fucked._

 

(13:39) **why the fuck would a journalist follow you?**

 

(13:43) _When we were together, we weren’t exactly the most secretive. All you need to do is add two and two together._

 

(13:46) **if they were a journo, they’d be following me not you. you just have a fucking stalker, if you even have one.**

 

(13:49) _Also, the carpet is costing £100 to get cleaned. They love the pattern._


	5. WEEK 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Half of the truth comes out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING! THERE IS VIOLENCE IN THIS CHAPTER!

 

 

######  _ SATURDAY _

 

It was another one of James and Lily’s get-togethers. They had one at least every month. Remus never quite understood why but at least it gave him some sort of a social life.

 

When he lived in Wales, his social life consisted of picking up men at bars and forgetting their name by the next morning. He didn’t want to make Teddy uncomfortable with bringing random men back to their home and now having actual work commitments instead of classes, he stopped doing it. He did miss the easy lifestyle of it all, regardless.

 

Sirius’ erupted with laughter. He was bent over with laughter, Marlene was sitting next to him with a wicked grin, a black woman who introduced herself as Dorcas was grinning ear to ear. Even Fabian, who had been silent and looking quietly angry all night was cracking a smile. Remus didn’t understand why  _ she _ of all people were here but it was none of his business and Fabian didn’t seem to mind,  _ too much _ . 

 

The sliding glass back door slid open bringing Remus back out of his little world. Teddy stood at there with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets. Remus watched him look around and then his gaze settled on Sirius. Sirius excused himself from the table and walked inside behind Teddy.

 

“I didn’t realise that they were even friends,” Lily spoke up, looking at the now empty doorway.

 

“They talk,” Remus shrugged taking a swig of beer.

 

She smirked devilishly, “is that so?”

 

“Yes, that is so,” he rolled his eyes at his best friend. 

 

“Maybe you have some competition,” she wiggled her eyebrows and Remus groaned in disgust. 

 

The idea of Teddy and Sirius together made Remus sick to the stomach. Teddy was his son and at one point, Sirius’ step-son. There was no way that Sirius would even  _ try _ to get with Teddy in any way. If Sirius even thought about going near him in that capacity, he would rip his balls out. It was his son.

 

“Don’t be foul. Sirius sees Teddy as his son,” Remus denied. 

 

“Does he?” she smirked. 

 

He knew Lily was just playing with him and not being serious about them, but still, the thought played in the back of his mind. Maybe Sirius did want Teddy that way, he did spend that night together drinking wine. Who knew what actually happened between them. Remus shuddered at the thought of his son and ex-fiancé getting together.

 

“Stop with the ominous tone,” Remus crossed his arms. He added, “Teddy isn’t even gay.”

 

“That is the funniest thing I have ever heard,” Lily burst out laughing. “He screams gay more than you do.”

 

“Well, so does Harry.”

 

“Harry isn’t gay,” she objected. She looked over to James for him to come for defence but he just shrugged and looked at his beer. Panic rose in her voice as she let out, “why are you looking like that?” 

 

James took a deep breath before he titled his head and looked at his wife. “I mean… Harry does look at Teddy in a particular way and he also has those posters.”

 

“That doesn’t mean he’s gay, some people like posters,” Lily snapped.

 

“That’s true,” James nodded. “Say if Harry was gay, would it be a problem?”

 

“What no? I like girls, why would I have a problem?”

 

“It sounds like you have one,” he said carefully.

 

“I don’t. Just, he’s not and Remus is using cheap shots.”

 

“You’re saying that my ex-fiancé is fucking my son, of course, I’ll use cheap shots,” Remus shrugged. Everyone didn’t know what to say, so they just sat quietly. 

 

“Harry does spend an awful lot of time looking at Teddy…” James broke the silence, “the way Sirius looks at Remus.”

 

Fabian stared at Remus and at that moment he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. “Sirius doesn’t look at me in any way.”

 

“That’s the fucking lie of the century,” Lily rolled her eyes. Remus sighed and took out a cigarette from the box sitting on the table, before putting it between his lips and lighting it. She continued, “he’s always looking at you, just not when you’re looking at him.”

 

he took a deep drag, letting his lungs fill up with the smoke. He thought it was rather inconsiderate to talk about Sirius and him while his current boyfriend was sitting not even five metres away. “You do realise Sirius’ boyfriend is sitting at the table.”

 

“Oh he knows, why do you think he asked you to stay away,” she said nonchalantly.

 

Remus sighed. “Lily.”

 

She rolled her eyes as she swirled the form around the cold mash potato on her plate. “Get off it, everyone here knows you two are soulmates and he’s just in the way,” she publicised.

 

“That’s not the case.”

 

Lily shrugged, “you two fucked the other day.”

 

Remus groaned as he threw his head back and covered his face with his hands. It wasn’t remotely true that they shagged, but guilt crawled up inside him. He wanted to go run and hide with everyone’s gaze on him.

 

“You what!?” Fabian raised his voice. His eyes were full of rage and his body had tensed up. 

 

“We didn’t, he just had a tantrum and poured red wine all over my carpet. Nothing actually happened,” Remus threw his hands up in response, with his cigarette wedged between his lips.

 

“You told me, I’ve still got the texts,” Lily said pulling out her phone. It was clear that she was on the tipsy side and he hoped that Fabian wouldn’t take it seriously, but by the look on his face, he very much was.

 

He took another drag of his cigarette before flicking ash onto his plate. “We didn’t shag,” Remus protested.

 

“Here, you said ‘We were kissing’, so boom something did happen,” she smiled, as she was pleased with herself. “And Sirius the other week said you kissed him.”

 

Remus groaned. “I didn’t kiss him, he tried to kiss me but I told him to leave.”

 

“Everyone knows you’re meant to be together.”

 

“Well, we’re not. He’s with Fabian,” Remus said firmly. A silence fell over everyone but Marlene and Dorcas, who seemed to be in their own world. 

 

Fabian was burning holes into Remus while he avoided eye contact with everyone. He continued to smoke his cigarette in silence and stare at the dirty plate. While he didn’t shag him, he wanted to and if Sirius hadn’t had a ‘moment’ they probably would’ve gone through it. 

 

The back door screeched open and Sirius stepped back outside. “What’s with the awkward silence?” he asked sitting down in his original chair. 

 

“Lily told everyone that we fucked,” Remus ran his fingers through his curly hair. Their gazes met each other for a moment and Remus quickly looked away. 

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Of course we’ve fucked, we were together for four years.”

 

“She means last week.”

 

Sirius looked at Fabian. “We didn’t…”

 

“That’s what I said.”

 

“It’s not like you didn’t try but I left,” Sirius threw his hands in the arms. Fabian shot him a look which Sirius caught. “It’s not my fault, you’re the one that came onto me.”

 

“We need to talk,” Fabian grabbed Sirius’ arm and practically dragged him inside.

 

“Say something,” Lily whispered in Remus’ ear. He excused himself from the table and went looking for Sirius and Fabian. 

 

He found them in the guest bedroom with the door slightly cracked open. Sirius was pushed up against the wall and Fabian’s hands were holding him in place. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about but suddenly Fabian punched Sirius straight in the face. Remus barged into the room. Fabian looked him up and down before exiting the room.

 

Remus carefully went up to Sirius and lightly touched his cheekbone where the contact had been. “Sirius,” he whimpered.

 

It made sense now, the way Sirius reacted whenever his name was mentioned and how he kept saying it was complicated. That he couldn’t just  _ leave _ him. Blood boiled inside Remus at the thought of Fabian even touching him. 

 

“I tripped,” he shrugged.

 

“I saw him punch you,” he said.

 

“No, you didn’t.”

 

“Sirius, you need to leave him,” he stroked Sirius’ cheek.

 

“It’s easy in fucking theory,” Sirius said walking out of the room. Remus sighed and went back to the living room. Lily was leaning against the fridge massaging her temples and James was pacing around.

 

“You’ve been letting this happen?” Remus shouted at James.

 

James sighed. “I haven’t been  _ letting _ it happen.”

 

“He’s your fucking brother, you know what his fucking parents were like and you haven’t done anything to stop it,” he bellowed.

 

“Remus, it’s not that simple,” he said through gritted teeth. “All we can do is be here for him. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, you of all people should understand that.”

 

Remus felt it was almost a cheap shot bringing up Wales indirectly. He moved to Wales mainly to escape everyone’s help because he was depressed and they were smothering him. He had to get away from England, he had lost his father a month after Sirius had left him and he couldn’t cope being in the same city where all of it went down. Everything was a constant reminder of how his life turned to shit and he had no control, so he packed up his backs and left. 

 

“How long has this been going on?” Remus demanded, his voice raised.

 

Rage boiled inside Remus when he thought about Fabian even being near Sirius, let alone sharing a life together. 

 

“Ten years or so,” James sighed.

 

“Ten years and you-” Remus started closing in on James.

 

“Remus, Remus, Remus,” Lily quickly got in between the two and put her hand against his chest to stop him coming closer. “James isn’t the bad guy here.”

 

“You’re right, Fabian is,” Remus said stepping back before going outside.

 

“Fucking hell, Remus,” Lily called after him.

 

Fabian was sitting next to an empty chair where Sirius has been sitting beside Marlene and Dorcas, who seemed to be snogging each other without a care of what’s going on around them. 

 

Remus pulled Fabian’s chair out from under him, Fabian fell flat on his back. Marlene shrieked when Remus’ fist made contact with Fabian’s face. There was a cracking sound the third time Remus punched Fabian, breaking his nose. 

 

By the time Fabian rolled onto his stomach to try and push himself off the ground, the kids including Teddy had come to the backdoor to see what was happening. Remus grabbed the man’s hair and started repeatedly hitting his head against the concrete. Fabian’s face was covered in cuts and blood was coming out of his nose. Remus turned him back into his back and just as his foot made contact with his face James was pulling him away from the bloodied man.

 

“You fucking stay away from Sirius!” Remus yelled at the man laying on the ground. 

 

When James let go of his friend, he tried to make his way back to Fabian but James quickly grabbed him again and pushed him up against the wall. “Fucking hell mate, there are kids here,” James pushed him again. He sighed letting go of him. “Go talk to Sirius.”

 

Remus kicked Fabian in the stomach on his way back inside. Teddy stood inside the door, Remus caught his son’s gaze and he looked terrified about what he had just witnessed what happened.

 

“Hi,” Remus said leaning against the guest bedrooms door frame. Sirius was sitting cross-legged on the bed in the middle of the room staring at his hands.

 

“I saw you made a mess of my boyfriend,” Sirius looked up at him. Remus sighed and sat next to him as Sirius ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“By complicated, you mean he beats you?” Remus asked.

 

“He more than just beats me, but essentially yes,” Sirius started fiddling with the cuffs of his jeans.

 

“What else does he do to you?” Remus asked softly, taking Sirius’ non-fidgeting hand in his own.

 

“It’s complicated,” he sighed, head hanging low. Remus pressed a kiss against the back of his head. Sirius rested his head against Remus’ shoulder. 

 

They sat in the quiet, Remus let himself enjoy the contact with Sirius despite the circumstances. He pretended for a moment that Sirius was still in love with him and that they were happy together. Part of him knew he shouldn’t because it’ll just be harder for him when Sirius leaves.

 

“I should go,” Sirius announced standing up from the bed after thirty minutes. He brushed himself off and paused in front of the door to say, “as much as I appreciate what you did for me, it’s best if you don’t do that again.”

 

“What about me?” Remus asked.

 

Sirius looked over his shoulder, “what about you?” 

 

“I mean us.” 

 

“I didn’t realise there was an us.”

 

Remus’ face contorted as he stared at Sirius. He tried to appear calm but he felt like he was going to be sick. There was a sick feeling rising inside him, despite knowing that Sirius wasn’t interested in him it hurt to hear it out loud.

 

“I must’ve gotten the wrong idea,” Remus lamented. 

 

Sirius looked at him carefully. The hurt in Remus’ eyes was clear and Sirius immediately regretted saying what he did. 

 

“I’m going to go.”

 

“Sirius,” Remus took Sirius’ hand to stop him from leaving. 

 

Whenever Sirius was around Remus, he felt an internal tug pulling him closer and closer to him but he knew that he was in a relationship and how Fabian reacts to Remus’ name being mentioned. He knew there was a line and he couldn’t cross it no matter how much he wanted to.

 

“Whatever this is, it needs to end, I don’t want to be a cheater,” he babbled. 

 

Remus stepped closer, “leave him so it won’t be cheating.”

 

“I’m not going to leave a ten-year relationship just because you want to stick your dick up my arse for old times sake,” Sirius took a step back.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” he shook his head.

 

“Just stop talking to me, please,” he pulled his hand out from Remus’ grasp. “He gets annoyed when you text.”

 

Remus stood frozen as Sirius exited the room. Nothing quite hurt like watching him walk away, he decided.

######  _ SUNDAY _

 

(09:29)  _ Hi, Can You Call Sirius? I’m worried. He Isn’t Picking Up. _

 

(09:34)  _ Fine _

 

——

 

[ OUTGOING CALL TO SIRIUS ]

 

_ “Hey.” _

 

**“What did I tell you about leaving me alone?”**

 

_ “Sirius, James is worried about you.” _

 

**“When isn’t he? I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”**

 

_ “You still picked up for me.” _

 

**“That fucking dick.”**

 

_ “What?” _

 

**“He still uses you against me. This is unfair.”**

 

_ “How am I being used against you?” _

 

**“Nothing. Just nothing.”**

 

_ “Are you okay?” _

 

**“I’m fucking swell.”**

 

“Sirius, get off the fucking phone.”

 

_ “You’re still with him?” _

 

**“Yes, I am.”**

 

_ “I could take care of you.” _

 

**“I don’t want to be taken care of, I am happy with my relationship as it is.”**

 

_ “You told me multiple times that you want to leave him, so leave him.” _

 

“Sirius, get off the fucking phone.”

 

_ “Are you safe?” _

 

**“Yes, he can’t get out of bed because of what happened.”**

 

_ “If you expect me to feel sorry about it, I’m not. He deserved it.” _

 

**“I don’t expect anything from you.”**

 

_ “Just get out of there, please.” _

 

**“I’ve got to go. Talk to you later James, tell Harry I love him.”**

 

——

 

(09:47)  _ He said he’s safe because Fabian can’t get out of bed because of what I did _

 

(09:49)  _ The Wanker Deserves It. _

 

(09:51)  _ That’s what I said. _

 

——

 

(10:59)  im going to grandma’s, i’ll probably stay the night

 

(11:03)  _ Okay.  _

 

(20:05)  _ Are you okay? Do you want to talk? _

 

[ INCOMING CALL FROM TEDDY ]

 

_ “Are you okay?” _

 

“Why did you beat Fabian?”

 

_ “He did something unforgivable,” _

 

“And what you did isn’t?”

 

_ “It’s complicated,” _

 

“The last time I saw someone that… people only fight like that at school.”

 

_ “Teddy.” _

 

“No dad, I saw you beat up someone. I want to know why.”

 

_ “It’s not my place to say.” _

 

“Why not?”

 

_ “Because the unforgivable thing happened to someone else.” _

 

_ “Ted, I am sorry you saw it.” _

 

“ Are you really?”

 

_ “Yes.” _

 

“You know it wasn’t nice to watch.”

 

_ “I would never hurt you.” _

 

“I know, you don’t even have to say that.”

 

“There were probably better ways to deal with whatever he did other than violence.”

 

_ “Probably was.” _

 

“What did he do to Sirius?”

 

_ “Who said anything about Sirius?” _

 

“I know you love him.”

 

_ “It’s not my place.” _

 

“So he abuses him?”

 

_ “I never said that.” _

 

“But he does, doesn’t he?”

 

_ “Not my place.” _

 

“Do you ever think how different our lives would be if you two got married?”

 

_ “You would have a stepfather.” _

 

“You wouldn’t be alone.”

 

_ “I’m fine with being alone despite popular belief.” _

 

“I think you pretend you are fine with it.”

 

“I see the way you look at him.”

 

_ “It’s complicated.” _

 

“If you love him so much, why aren’t you two together?”

 

_ “Because he doesn’t want me, it’s as simple as that.” _

 

“Yes, he does.”

 

_ “No Ted, he really doesn’t.” _

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

_ “He told me last night.” _

 

“Did he say ‘I don’t want you’ or is that what you heard?”

 

_ “What do you mean?” _

 

“Did he directly say that he didn’t want you or did he say something else and you assumed that was its meaning?”

 

_ “Why does it matter?” _

 

“Because he probably didn’t say that he didn’t want you, I’ve seen the way he looks at you as well.” 

 

“It’s clear he wants you.”

 

_ “Teddy, you don’t understand, you’re too young.” _

 

“I’m older than you when you got into a relationship with him.”

 

_ “And how do you know that?” _

 

“I talk to Sirius.”

 

“I found out that I used to call him dad.”

 

_ “You did.” _

 

“He said he cried when I first called him that.”

 

_ “You made him a lego love heart and said something like ‘for daddy’ and he said that I would love it, you then said ‘no, you daddy’ and he started crying and he basically cried all week over it.” _

 

“I want him to come home.”

 

_ “Teddy, this isn’t his home.” _

 

“Yes it is, we’re his home.”

 

_ “You didn’t even remember living with him.” _

 

“I do now. Half of the time I thought my memories were weird dreams.”

 

_ “Edward, leave this alone. Please.” _

 

“How can I? I just found out that his boyfriend is a piece of shit.”

 

_ “Edward, I mean it. Leave it alone. I don’t want you to get hurt.” _

 

“What? The way you hurt Fabian.”

 

_ “Teddy, he’s an adult. We are both adults. You’re still a teenager.” _

 

“I’m an adult.”

 

_ “You still have teen in your age, you’re a teenager.” _

 

_ “Edward, just listen to me. Fabian was Sirius’ bodyguard. He’s not some weakling.” _

 

“Okay.”

 

_ “Come home, please?” _

 

“I’m hanging out with grandma.”

 

_ “So if I called her, she would say you are with her?” _

 

“I’m an adult.”

 

_ “Ted, where are you?” _

 

“I’m at a hotel.”

 

_ “With Sirius?” _

 

“Perhaps. Why does it matter?”

 

_ “You’re my kid and I want you safe, that’s why it matters. You don’t know what you’re playing with.” _

 

“Bye, dad.”

 

_ “Edward, don’t hang up.” _

 

[ TEDDY DISCONNECTED CALL ]


	6. WEEK 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Other dads, spamming song lyrics and therapy.

 

######  _FRIDAY_

 

According to Remus’ watch, it was 12:04 am as he opened the door to the flat and threw his suitcase down in the middle of the hallway, he walked inside and slumped against the wall in exhaustion.

 

The past week he had been in Amsterdam for a work conference and of course, he was booked on the last flight in. He groaned at the thought of having to wake up in six hours time for work. Part of him considered calling in sick.

 

He dragged himself along with his suitcase into his bedroom before flopping onto his bed and lazily taking off all his clothes but his briefs in the dark. Before crawling under the covers and falling asleep.

 

The alarm went off at 6 am and Remus sleepily put it on snooze. He felt an arm wrapped around his waist and a body pressed up against his back. He hesitantly opened his eyes and he could see tattoos on the hand and arm that was draped across his body which he knew belonged to Sirius. He slipped out from underneath Sirius before getting ready for his morning workout at the gym.

 

When Remus got home from the gym just past 7 am and Teddy was standing in front of the stove and Sirius crouched in front of the fridge, both of their backs facing him.

 

“Can you pass me the eggs?” Teddy held out a hand. Sirius passed him a box of eggs before taking out mushrooms and tomatoes. He shut the door and stood next to Teddy, he only came up to the top of Teddy’s ears.

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet this morning,” Sirius said cutting up what he had just taken out of the fridge.

 

Remus let himself pretend that this was normal. Having Sirius and Teddy in the kitchen, cooking together, like a family. He wanted to kick himself for being so self-indulgent, but he couldn’t help it.

 

He took in the older man’s back tattoos since he was shirtless. There was a deer skull that was spread across his shoulders, it’s antlers had daffodils and carnations threaded through it. Below the deer, there was a wolf howling at a moon that took up the rest of his back. On his right arm, it looked to be his usual runes and symbols. While on his left arm it was basically empty with writing in another language and Edward written in children’s handwriting on his bicep, with the E backwards.

 

Teddy flipped an egg and sighed. “Dad comes back tonight, so that means you’ll go back to Fabian.”

 

Sirius silently nodded. “Ted, I’ll be fine,” he comforted him.

 

“You could always stay,” Ted hopefully said, looking across at Sirius with a sad smile.

 

“I’m sure Remus would love that,” he laughed.

 

“You’re my dad too.”

 

“I’m still a phone call away.”

 

“Dad, stay please.”

 

Remus perked up when he heard Teddy call Sirius ‘dad’, it wasn’t that he had a problem with Teddy calling Sirius _that_ , it just took him by surprise. If he was completely honest, he wasn’t entirely okay with it considering Sirius hadn’t been in his life for the past twelve years.

 

“I’m sure your father would love that,” Sirius turned and faced Teddy and ran his fingers through his black hair.

 

“Stay,” he reached out and took Sirius’ hand as it dropped from his head.

 

“Teddy, Teddy, Teddy,” he shook his head, before cupping Teddy’s cheek with his spare hand. “I’m okay with it. I got you back and that’s enough for me.”

 

“Dad-” he started to say before Remus sneezed and they both looked at him wide-eyed and Sirius quickly stepped back from Teddy.

 

Remus leaned against the doorway. “Sorry, carry on. This is quite entertaining.”

 

Teddy turned his body to face his father. “When did you get back?” he asked.

 

“Last night,” Remus shrugged.

 

“I thought you were coming back tonight,” he said slowly.

 

“Nope.”

 

“You’re not surprised to see me,” Sirius finally spoke up.

 

“I was surprised when I woke up to you spooning me.”

 

A blush crept onto Sirius’ face. “Sorry.”

 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Teddy tried to leave the kitchen.

 

Remus blocked the exit. “Not so fast, what _is_ going on here?”

 

“He needed somewhere to stay, I figured since you were away it didn’t matter,” he shrugged as he looked up at his father.

 

“Any reason it was my bed?”

 

“You weren’t here, I was going to wash the sheets before you got home.”

 

Remus ran his fingers through his hair. Sirius felt wobbly at the knees from the way his muscles flexed at the simple movement. He didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed how muscly he actually was that morning in the hotel room.

 

“We need to talk later, but I have to get ready for work,” Remus said to Teddy, who simply nodded in return.

 

Remus walked into his bedroom and Sirius followed behind and shut the door behind him. Remus turned around and raised an eyebrow at the smaller man.

 

Remus slid open his mirrored wardrobe and pulled out one of his work suits. “I have to get ready for work.”

 

“We need to talk,” Sirius folded his arms.

 

“What about? You made it clear last time we saw each other how you felt,” Remus said as he was taking off his shoes and joggers.

 

“Are you _really_ going to get undressed in front of me?”

 

“Yes, I have to go to work,” he lifted his shirt over his head.

 

“You… you work out,” he stammered. Sirius’ eyes raked up and down Remus’ body. He thought it was unfair that he still looked good (perhaps better) than when they were together. It wasn’t like he had the amount of muscle that Hugh Jackman or Chris Hemsworth had, but there was muscle and his body sound the sweet spot between buff and toned.

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “What is it?”

 

“Just, you work out,” Sirius scratched the back of his neck. His gaze settled on Remus’ chest, where he was roughly eye level.

 

He rolled his eyes again. “I mean, what do you want to talk about.”

 

“I can’t talk about it while you’re in your underwear,” Sirius said as Remus took off his underwear, leaving him completely naked in front of him. His gaze went down to his dick, he didn’t know what he expected but it looks exactly the same as he remembers it. “And now you’re naked.”

 

“Sirius.”

 

“I can’t talk about this while your dick is out,” he waved an arm in the air. Remus chuckled to himself before finding a pair of briefs and putting them on.

 

“This better?”

 

“Yes, thank you.”

 

Remus sighed, slightly losing his patience as he put his grey suit pants on. “What is it?”

 

“What do you want from me?” he asked, his arms going back to the folded position.

 

He raised an eyebrow as he buttoned up his white oxford. “Really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“I have work,” Remus said, putting on the light grey suit jacket and pulled out a blue tie and placed it around his neck.

 

“I’ll wait.”

 

“Sirius.”

 

“Don’t wear a tie,” Sirius took it from around Remus’ neck and undid the top three buttons. He rested his hand on his chest and looked up at Remus, who stepped back when Sirius reached up for a kiss.

 

“I’ve got work,” he said grabbing his shoes and socks before leaving the room.

 

——

 

(09:28) **i’m waiting**

 

(12:36) **still waiting**

 

(15:03) **waiting…**

 

(15:09) _Don’t you have better things to do_

 

(15:15) **honestly, no.**

 

(15:18) **also, you’ve got a nice body**

 

(15:19) _Thanks_

 

(15:24) **touch me (i want your body)**

 

(15:36) _Sirius_

 

(15:39) **don’t leave me this way**

 

(15:42) _I’m at work_

 

(15:47) **tell it to my heart**

 

(15:51) _You need to develop a music taste_

 

(15:54) **baby i don’t care**

 

(15:57) _Stop! In the name of love_

 

(15:59) **tragedy**

 

(16:05) _You need to get a hobby_

 

(16:08) **since i don’t have you**

 

(16:14) _Let it be_

 

(16:18) **you say i’m annoying but here you are**

 

(16:24) _Hello, Goodbye_

 

(16:26) **heaven knows i’m miserable now**

 

(16:30) **hanging on the telephone**

 

(16:35) _Take up knitting_

 

(16:36) **give it up**

 

(16:38) **let's hear it for the boy**

 

(16:42) **i’m going to send you lyrics until you talk to me again**

 

(16:45) **LOST IN A DREAM. DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO. A LET ME SAY IF YOU ARE ALL WHAT YOU SEEM. THEN BABY I'M MOVING WAY TOO SLOW**

  

(17:18) _GET A HOBBY_

 

(17:19) **i know something about love, you’ve gotta want it bad. if that guy's got into your blood, go out and get him**

 

(17:23) **if you want him to be the very heart of you, makes you want to breathe, here’s the thing to do**

 

(17:28) **tell him that you're never gonna leave him, tell him that you're always gonna love him, tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now**

  

(17:53) _I get the fucking point, you can stop_

 

(17:55) **do you though? i can do another**

 

(17:58) _I’m walking up the steps to the flat now, so please stop_

 

——

 

Remus stepped into his flat, he could hear Sirius singing in another room but couldn’t quite work it out. The toilet flushed, the tap turned on and off, Sirius came bursting out of it.

 

Sirius sang, “We keep on waiting, waiting, waiting on-”

 

“Sirius Black to shut up,” Remus raised an eyebrow as he put his keys down on the dining table.

 

Sirius came out of the corridor and into the living area with his hands on his hips. “That’s fucking rude.”

 

“You texting me while I was in the middle of teaching is rude.”

 

“Don’t be mad,” Sirius came closer to him and grabbed both of his biceps. Under his hands he could feel Remus’ muscles, he decided they were nice under his hands. “I…”

 

“What?” Remus laughed.

 

Sirius let his grip go and stepped back from him. “Nothing.”

 

“What?” he repeated himself. When Sirius shrugged, Remus rolled his eyes. “Is Ted here?”

 

Sirius scratched the back of his neck. “No, he said he was going out or something,” he shrugged again.

 

“Right.”

 

“Do you want me to go?” Sirius stepped closer to him. He looked up at the taller man with the best puppy dog eyes he could do. “Say no, please.”

 

“Sirius,” he sighed.

 

“I’m-” Sirius started saying but Remus caught a glimpse of a tattoo on the inside of his finger.

 

He took a hold of his wrist and looked at the finger properly. It was faint but it looked like it says _Remus_ in his handwriting. “Is that my name?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius nodded looking down at his fingers, he wasn’t about to admit on the other side of that finger it said _Moony_. He continued, “I got it done like a week before our wedding, hence why it’s so faded.”

 

“You’ve still got it?”

 

“I haven’t had any tattoos covered up or lasered.”

 

“Also, what’s up with the wolf on your back?” Remus asked. He didn’t quite understand the affinity for wolves, to get one that large on your back it would probably have to mean something. “I get the deer, Prongs and all-”

 

He took Remus’ hands in his and looked up at him again. He sighed, “Moony.”

 

“That doesn’t answer it.”

 

“Doesn’t it?”

 

It clicked in his mind. A wolf howling at the moon, his nickname is Moony and both of his names being wolf related. Sirius has a tattoo on his back that was basically a dedication to him. He had never seen it before so he must’ve gotten it after they broke up.

 

“Christ.”

 

“I started to get it the week before our wedding and when we broke up, I couldn’t just let it go incomplete because I’d look like an idiot,” Sirius explained with a sad smile on his face.

 

Remus took his hands out from Sirius’ grasp. “It’s a big tattoo.”

 

“Well, I love you a lot, don’t I?” Sirius said as he let his hands drop down to his sides.

 

“The flowers?”

 

“Oh, Lily and James’ birth month flowers,” his smile got larger before it went back to a sad smile. “Technically they’d be yours as well, I never thought of that…”

 

“Right,” he nodded. Remus took Sirius bare arm. “How come this arm is empty?”

 

“I was planning on it being an arm full of Teddy’s and Harry’s drawings, I just never got around to it,” Sirius shrugged, before adding, “Maybe if I ever have another kid, I’ll do it.”

 

“Another?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

Sirius sighed. “Teddy is my kid.”

 

“Right, of course,” he said unconvinced.

 

“He is,” Sirius countered with his hands back on his hips. “I taught him how to play the piano and how to go to the toilet, he calls me dad. I’m just as much his parent as Fleur was.”

 

“Fleur didn’t leave him.”

 

“What do you want me to say, Remus? I’m sorry for leaving you?”

 

“I don’t want it, Teddy probably does.”

 

“He knows, believe it or not, we are quite close,” Sirius rolled his eyes. He exited the room and went into Remus’ bedroom and came back out with an overnight bag slung over his arm.

 

“Where are you going?” Remus asked.

 

“To a hotel or something, it’s clear you don’t want me here,” he said before leaving the flat.

 

Remus was back standing in the middle of the living room, feeling empty and staring at the door Sirius walked out of. Not that he’d ever admit it, but whenever he was left alone after Sirius leaving, he felt like it was his wedding day and Sirius was leaving him again.

 

 

######  _SUNDAY_

 

Remus sat on the balcony drinking his afternoon black tea and smoking a cigarette.

 

Teddy hadn’t come home yet, he was concerned but he knew Teddy was an adult and if he needed help, he would ask. Part of him hoped that he just got drunk and decided to stay at a friends place and got carried away. He was also stressed about where Sirius was and what he was doing, the idea of him going back to Fabian because he was pissed at him didn’t sit well.

 

Remus came to the conclusion that Sirius hadn’t changed at all since they broke up, after a fight, he’d disappear off the face of the Earth until _he_ decided to talk about it. He found out why he did that about six months into their relationship, they were in Italy as Remus visited Sirius was on tour. They got into a stupid fight about something minuscule but they were confined to a hotel room, Remus decided to confront him about how he can’t just get up and leave like he usually did. Sirius lost his cool and started throwing anything he could at the walls, before kicking the wall and his foot going through the plasterboard. After that, Remus decided not to push his buttons too much.

 

As he finished his tea and started to pour another cup from his teapot, the sliding door to the balcony opened. Teddy stepped out looking red and puffy in the face as if he had been crying.

 

“What happened?” Remus sat up straight and put the teapot down. Teddy pulled out the chair next to his father and sat down.

 

Teddy shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

 

“It obviously does, you look like hell,” he said putting out his cigarette.

 

“Thanks, Dad, much appreciated,” Teddy deadpanned. He saw his father’s cigarette packet and took one out, put it between his lips before lighting it. Remus looked at him confusedly as he watched his son take a drag before immediately coughing intensely.

 

“I was going to ask since when did you smoke, but it’s obvious you don’t,” Remus softly chuckled. Teddy gave him a glare and he immediately stopped.

 

Remus asked, “Where have you been?”

 

“With Dad… Sirius,” Teddy took another drag before starting coughing again.

 

“Stop, you have asthma. I don’t feel like a trip to the hospital,” Remus took the cigarette off his son and put it out. “Did he do something?”

 

“What? No,” he said quickly.

 

“Then what is it?” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He reached out and put his hand on top of his son’s. “Talk to me,” he said softly.

 

“I’m sure he’ll tell you.”

 

“He?”

 

“Sirius.”

 

“I don’t want to hear it from him, I want to hear it from you,” Remus tried to look into Teddy’s eyes but he completely avoided eye contact and stared down at the hand on top of his. Teddy’s eyes filled up with tears before slumping into his father’s arms. “Ted, honestly, what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

 

“I’m not okay,” Teddy sniffled into Remus’ arms. Remus sucked in a breath trying to keep himself calm as he wrapped his arms around his son.

 

“Okay. I’ll look into getting a therapist if you want?” he asked softly.

 

“Can we afford it?”

 

“Don’t worry about that,” Remus pressed a kiss on top of his head and pulled his chair closer to his own.

 

“Dad…”

 

“Teddy, listen to me. I’ll find the money if I have to, making sure you’re alright is my first priority,” he said.

 

“I'm just being stupid,” Teddy pulled back from Remus, who immediately wiped his tears away from his son’s eyes.

 

“No you’re not,” he corrected. “I’m always here for you.”

 

######  _MONDAY_

 

[ INCOMING CALL FROM SIRIUS ]

 

**“So, what do you want from me?”**

 

_“Fucking hell, you’re back to this?”_

 

**“You haven’t given me an answer.”**

 

_“What do you want me to say?”_

 

 **“That’s not what I asked, I asked what do** **_you_ ** **want from me?”**

 

_“It doesn’t matter anymore.”_

 

**“It does to me.”**

 

_“I love you and want to be with you, is that what you want to hear? Or would you rather, I want to fuck you and that’s all?”_

 

**“I want the truth not what I want to hear.”**

 

_“Doesn't matter, it’s never going to happen.”_

 

**“How do you know that?”**

 

_“Sirius, you are you and I am me.”_

 

**“Really, I had no idea.”**

 

**“What are you trying to say?”**

 

_“There is no point in me telling you because it’s never going to happen.”_

 

**“You’re just repeating yourself.”**

 

_“You are Sirius Black-”_

 

**“Oh right, I see. I’m famous so I could never care about anyone else but myself.”**

 

_“I’m not saying that.”_

 

**“What are you saying?”**

 

_“You’ll end up getting with someone more your level.”_

 

**“Maybe I want to end up with my giant welsh ex.”**

 

_“I doubt that.”_

 

**“How do you know what I want?”**

 

_“Because Sirius, I’m me.”_

 

**“I’m sorry for walking out.”**

 

_“Which time?”_

 

**“Friday, also the wedding too but I was meaning Friday.”**

 

_“Right.”_

 

**“I left him, by the way.”**

 

_“Oh, that’s good.”_

 

**“Yeah.”**

 

_“What’s going on with Teddy?”_

 

**“What did he tell you?”**

 

_“Nothing, besides him not being okay.”_

 

**“Rem… I can’t go against him.”**

 

_“But he talks to you?”_

 

**“Somewhat.”**

 

_“Do you… do you think I’m a complete failure at being a father?”_

 

**“No love… Orion is what a failure at being a father is.”**

 

**“Think about when you were his age, you didn’t tell your father shit.”**

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

**“Rem, I mean what he saw you do to Fabian, wasn’t great and it’ll take him a while, but he doesn’t hate you and he isn’t scared. He just needs time.”**

 

_“Tonks would know what to do.”_

 

**“You don’t know that.”**

 

**“The thing is, you are trying. Teddy knows that and he appreciates it.”**

 

_“Is he okay? I mean I know he’s not but is he safe?”_

 

**“I think so, it’s just the past. You know what it does to people.”**

 

_“I know you’re not a doctor, but do you think he has PTSD, from your experience?”_

 

**“No I don’t, there might be some trauma, but not PTSD. Also, there’s a lot of factors that go into it and he doesn’t meet it, from my understanding of it.”**

 

**“But as you said, I’m not a doctor.”**

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

**“Or he could meet it and mightn’t have told me about it.”**

 

_“He came home the other day, he had been crying. What happened?”_

 

**“That… you don’t have to worry about I think, he just felt weird going to you about it.”**

 

_“Did he knock someone up?”_

 

**“Personally if I knocked someone up, you would be the first person to go to because you do have expertise in that area.”**

 

_“I mean it.”_

 

**“No, you’re sort of on the right track but no, he didn’t knock someone up, well to the best of my knowledge.”**

 

_“Please tell me what happened.”_

 

**“Fuck, you can’t tell him I told you, alright?”**

 

_“I won’t.”_

 

**“God, this is so fucking weird. Basically… he uh… I can’t say it, I fucking can’t, those words are refusing to leave my mouth.”**

 

_“Text me if it’s so hard to say.”_

 

**“Remus, you really don’t want to know. Once you do, you can’t take it back.”**

 

_“Sirius just tell me.”_

 

**“Hebottomedforsomeoneandtheydidntuselube.”**

 

_“What?”_

 

**“He bottomed and they didn’t use lube.”**

 

_“Fucking hell.”_

 

**“Listen, he didn’t go to you because yeah… it’s fucking awkward.”**

 

_“What did you do?”_

 

**“I told him to read about it if he plans to do it again and took him to the doctor.”**

 

_“Right.”_

 

**“He was probably crying because of embarrassment and/or pain.”**

 

_“I don’t know what to do with this information.”_

 

**“I told you but you didn’t listen.”**

 

**“You know, it was his first time…”**

 

_“Having anal?”_

 

**“Sex in general.”**

 

_“Oh…”_

 

**“What?”**

 

_“I remember he had a girlfriend a few years ago, I just assumed that they…”_

 

**“Shagged?”**

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

**“Well, he told me this was his first time, but he could be lying.”**

 

_“Can we stop talking about my son having sex?”_

 

**“Do you remember how after I lost my virginity and told James, he went around telling everyone?”**

 

_“Yes, I do.”_

 

**“Fun times.”**

 

_“Were they really?”_

 

**“I was being sarcastic.”**

 

_“Can we also not talk about sex in general, it’s still fresh on my mind.”_

 

**“Sure.”**

 

**“What do you want from me?”**

 

_“Fuck, we’re back to this?”_

 

**“Yep, I’m not going to hang up before you tell me.”**

 

_“That lady is still following me.”_

 

**“Great diversion, so subtle.”**

 

_“Really, is it you?”_

 

**“No, I would follow you myself.”**

 

_“Thanks.”_

 

**“If I was going to stalk you, I would personally do it myself, I wouldn’t let some girl follow my Moony, can’t get any more competition.”**

 

_“She’s a girl, that’s hardly competition.”_

 

**“Sure, Mr Bisexual Fists of Fury.”**

 

_“It’s now actually Dr Homosexual Fists of Fury, for your information.”_

 

**“Doctor? Interesting.”**

 

_“Is that interesting?”_

 

**“A little, yeah… Dr Lupin.”**

 

_“Mr Black.”_

 

**“Care to examine my body?”**

 

_“I’m not that type of doctor and you know it.”_

 

**“You’re never one to turn down role play.”**

 

_“Really?”_

 

**“You wanted me distracted, so here I am, distracted.”**

 

_“You’re insufferable.”_

 

**“So Dr Lupin, how do you want me? Bent over your desk?”**

 

_“I’ve got to go.”_

 

**“Oh? Why? Did I make you uncomfortable?”**

 

_“No, I’m just at my psychiatrist’s.”_

 

**“My psychiatrist says that most relationships that start before six months of being single are statistically doomed.”**

 

_“They sound fucking charming.”_

 

**“He is a bit of a weirdo.”**

 

_“What makes you say that?”_

 

**“He is so fucking old like he was in uni when the Beatles were a thing. He has a white ponytail, half-moon glasses, he once wore socks with the Beatles on them.”**

 

_“Sounds like you have someone to wank over George Harrison with.”_

 

**“He sends me letters with stickers on them telling me I’m a good person.”**

 

_“Wait, do you see Dumbledore?”_

 

**“Okay, that’s fucking creepy… Do you see him?”**

 

_“I did for a while, he was much too… with the pixies for my liking.”_

 

**“Jesus fucking Christ. You do have a point, one time I mentioned the election and we somehow got into Israel-Palestine conflict and how the Daily Telegraph is a load of bullshit.”**

 

_“I see McGonagall.”_

 

**“She sort of terrifies me, I see her there sometimes and I feel like she would scold me for breathing.”**

 

_“She’s nice but to the point.”_

 

**“How come we go to the same psychology centre but have never run into each other,”**

 

_“I have no idea, but in saying that how many people that go there have we seen in general?”_

 

**“True…”**

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

**“We should make our appointments for the same time one day.”**

 

_“You do realise counselling is supposed to be confidential?”_

 

**“I know.”**

 

_“Listen, I’ve got to go.”_

 

**“Yeah, okay.”**

 

_“Bye.”_

 

**“See ya.”**

 

[ DISCONNECTED CALL ]

 

——

 

(17:45) _She’s running late._

 

(17:46) **when do psychiatrists ever run on time?**

 

(17:48) _Good point_

 

(17:49) **ted just invited me over**

 

(17:52) _Are you asking for permission to go?_

 

(17:54) _You stayed there for over a week when I was away. You don’t have to ask me._

 

(17:57) **if you say so**

 

(17:58) _And she just came out. So bye._

 

——

 

Remus took a seat on the red couch that was adorned with yellow cushions. In Remus’ opinion, it was the ugliest thing he had ever seen but he only had to put up with it an hour a fortnight, so he didn’t say anything.

 

“Remus, how are you?” Dr McGonagall said sitting down across from him in her matching red armchair. His file was opened on the dark wood table between them, with all his problems on display.

 

“I’m doing alright,” He nodded, taking a sip of the black tea McGonagall made for him.

 

Every session was the same, she ran late but always made sure that her clients had eaten and were hydrated. If not, she’d happily make them a tea, coffee or give them water and something to eat. Remus always had the same, a black tea with two custard creams.

 

“Explain to me what alright is,” she said taking a sip of her herbal tea and frowning at him.

 

“Well, Teddy told me he’s not okay, Sirius is being ever so cryptic. I haven’t drunk this week though, so that’s good,” He said dunking his biscuit into his tea. After he finished talking he took a bite of it.

 

She nodded. “What’s happening with Teddy?”

 

“I don’t know, he won’t talk to me. He just said I’m not okay and cried into my arms all afternoon,” he shrugged before taking another bite of his biscuit. “He talks to Sirius, so that’s something.”

 

“Sirius, as in your ex?”

 

“Yes, as in the guy that’s the root of all my problems,” he rolled his eyes.

 

“Do you honestly believe that?” she said cynically.

 

“No, not really,” he sighed. “Just, he flirts and tries to make a move on me but whenever I do it back, it’s like he takes ten massive steps back.”

 

“Do you think it’s wise to get into a relationship at the moment?”

 

“I don’t know, I haven’t been in one since him,” he said looking at the crumbs in his cup that the custard creams left behind.

 

She pressed her lips together and frowned. Remus hated when she did that, it made him feel like he did something bad, which he believed he hasn’t recently. She took a deep breath. “I mean with your alcohol and drug problem.”

 

“I _had_ a drug problem and my alcohol problem isn’t nearly as bad as what it was.”

 

“Last time I saw you, you broke someone’s nose while drunk,” she pressed her lips together.

 

Remus groaned. “That was one time and he deserved it, I didn’t do it because I was drunk. I haven’t had a drink this week and I would still do it now.”

 

She tilted her head looking at him carefully. “Remus, are telling me you’re going to hurt him again?”

 

“No, just I meant, I would’ve done it sober if I had been,” he sighed. McGonagall nodded silently and took a sip of her tea, Remus could tell she was thinking of something but didn’t know whether she should say it. “What is it?”

 

“I seriously think you would benefit from joining a support group for substance abuse,” she nodded.

 

Remus groaned. He doesn’t know why she constantly brings up his drug abuse when he got clean years ago. Sure he still had the track marks if you look for them, but he would never have let Teddy live with him if he didn’t think he couldn’t handle it. He got clean a year before Tonks and Fleur got in the car crash, so he was already clean when it happened. He just felt like she doesn’t have any faith in him, which hurt.

 

“I don’t even do drugs anymore, I haven’t touched the shit since before Teddy’s mother died,” he sipped his tea, trying to hold back his anger towards it.

 

“You did mention you felt yourself slipping a while ago.”

 

“I don’t have a drug problem or an alcohol problem,” he denied.

 

“Just, look into it,” she smiled.

 

He sighed. “Fine.”

 


	7. New Years 2026/2027

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment in Remus' past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are themes of an adult sleeping with a minor, while none of it is shown, it is still referenced. Same with drug use.

######  _ 31ST OF DECEMBER 2026 _

 

Since it was New Years, he was determined to have a good time. He decided that he was going to hook up with anyone who let him since he was no longer tied down to have sex with only one person for the rest of his life. Which now when he thought of it, he was glad that he dodged a bullet. As great as sleeping with Sirius was, he didn’t know if he could’ve only slept with him. 

 

He was at some club that was playing some electronic music which was pounding in his ears. He sat at a table on the side and watched everyone on the dance floor. They all moved as if one large living, breathing mass, only disrupted when people pushing in and out of the crowd. 

 

A sigh left his lips, he drunk the rest of his beer before going outside to a have a cigarette. As he pulled one out of his pocket, as he looked at it he remembered Sirius. He thought he was doing somewhat okay, sure it happened years ago, sure it hurts to think about, but he hasn’t cried about it for months. The cigarette was between his fingers and the longer he looked at it, the more he thought of Sirius.

 

_ Sirius is as lying next to him naked, Sirius’ head resting next to his feet. Sirius took a drag of the cigarette before passing it to him.  _

 

_ “I missed you,” Sirius kissed the top his foot, Remus giggled at contact on his skin. Remus took a drag and let his head hang off the edge of the bed. Sirius smirked and started kissing up his leg. Remus continued to giggle at it before letting out a yelp when Sirius pulled him further up the bed. “Did you miss me?” _

 

_ Remus laughed. “Of course I fucking did, you daft wanker.” _

 

_ “No need to to be a dick,” he pressed a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips and took the cigarette from him. He put it between his lips as he climbed on top of Remus and straddled his waist.  _

 

_ “What are you doing?” he laughed as Sirius reached over to the lube on the bedside table. It was sitting there from roughly an hour before when Sirius was on all fours.  _

 

_ “I’m going to have the ride of my fucking life,” Sirius smiled opening the cap.  _

 

_ Remus grasped Sirius’ hips. “Marry me.” _

 

_ Sirius laughed as he squirted lube onto his finger. “Yeah, sure,” he rolled his eyes. He lifted himself up onto his knees and inserted a finger up his arse.  _

 

_ “I mean it, marry me,” Remus reached up and tucked Sirius’ hair behind his ears. “I’ll get a ring and everything.” _

 

_ Sirius took his finger out and sat back down on Remus’ abdomen. “You’re being serious?”  _

 

_ “You’re being Sirius,” he poked his nose.  _

 

_ “You know what I mean.” _

 

_ He shrugged. “Yeah, of course, I am.” _

 

_ “You want to be with me forever?” _

 

_ “I want to be with you until I die.” _

 

_ “Really?” _

 

_ “Yes really,” He propped himself up onto his elbows, Sirius tipped back onto his legs before settling down on his thighs. “I love you.” _

 

_ Sirius smiled leaning down to kiss him. “I love you too.” _

 

_ “Is that a yes you’ll marry me?” _

 

_ “Of course it is,” he beamed. Remus had never felt happier in his entire life. Sirius Black, the love of his life, just said that he’ll marry him. “If anybody asks, my hand was not up my bum when you asked me to marry you.” _

 

_ Remus pushed himself up into a sitting position. He wrapped his arms around Sirius and kissed him.  _

 

A girl in a pink sequin dress looked over at him. “Oi, love, what’s with the sad look on your face?” 

 

“Uh what?” he looked up at her, she smiled at him.

 

“You look like a sad baby,” she stepped on her cigarette and stood next to him.

 

He asked, “Do I?” 

 

“What happened?” She asked. He finally took the cigarette up to his mouth and took a drag.

 

“No offence, but I don’t know you.”

 

“Come on, nothing like sharing something shitty with a stranger.”

 

She had a point, there was something appealing about talking to someone who doesn’t know you about your problems. He could tell her basically anything, it’s not like she’d believe him or that he even cared what she thought of him. 

 

“My fiancé left me at the altar,” he shrugged.

 

“What the fuck man, what happened?” 

 

“Thought I did something, I didn’t do it but I took the fall because I felt like I didn’t deserve him.”

 

“It’s New Year’s Eve, I can’t let you be depressed about your ex,” she nodded. “What’s your name?”

 

“Remus.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Remus, I am Ffion,” she shook his hand. “Let me buy you a drink.”

 

He let the part of him that's saying its a bad idea subside. Tonight would be a night that he wouldn't let his anxiety get the best of him. “I- alright.”

 

He stepped on his cigarette and followed her back into the club. She turned her head around to face him. “What do you want?”

 

“I’ll just have a beer,” he shrugged.

 

“Take a seat, these are my friends, friends this is Remus,” she pushed him into a booth before walking away. There were four people sitting in it already, two boys and two girls. They all looked at him curiously, no one wanted to say anything so they sat in silence. 

 

The curly blonde haired boy sitting opposite him kept looking at him. He had ice blue eyes, pale skin covered in freckles. Whenever Remus’ eyes met his the boy quickly looked away and a blush crept up on his face. Remus thought he looked around twenty if he had to put a number on it.

 

Ffion came back with three beers, three cocktails and six shots. She put a beer in front of him, a dark-haired bloke and a girl with a buzzcut. What looked like two cosmopolitans in front of her and a pink haired girl and a tequila sunrise in front of the blond boy. The six vodka shots were all placed in front of them.

 

A girl with dark skin and a buzzcut took a sip of her beer and placed it back on the table firmly. “Ffion, who is this?” she stared at Remus as she traced the rim with her index finger. 

 

“This is Remus, he was looking sad outside,” Ffion rolled her eyes before downing her shot. 

 

“Is this another one of your strays?” the dark-haired boy asked.

 

“Probably, his husband left him at the altar,” she shrugged.

 

“We weren’t actually married, we never actually got to that part,” Remus corrected. 

 

Ffion frowned at him. “Still, it’s sad.”

 

“You’re gay? Caradoc here is too,” the pink haired girl wrapped her arm around the blond haired boy. He looked at Remus before looking down at his drink. 

 

Remus shook his head with a laugh. “No… I’m bi actually, I just prefer men though.”

 

Ffion leaned forward and placed her chin in her hand. “So you would have a threesome with a guy and a girl?” 

 

“In theory, yes,” he shrugged.

 

“So would you say, in theory, of course, you would sleep with my boyfriend and I?”

 

“Don’t be foul,” buzzcut girl said.

 

“I never said you have to participate, Nat,” She rolled her eyes. 

 

“No offence but I don’t want to sleep with a bloke,” the dark-haired guy, which Remus assumed was Ffion’s boyfriend, said.

 

Ffion took a sip of her pink drink. “You don’t have to fuck him, but I’ve got more than one hole.”

 

Nat scoffed. “His husband just left him!”

 

“We were only engaged,” Remus corrected.

 

The pink haired girl, who still had her arm wrapped around Caradoc’s shoulder laughed. “I think Caradoc here needs him more than you, Ffion.”

 

As the night got later and closer to midnight, they all started to do their own thing. Mary, who was the pink haired girl, and Nat sat in the corner of the booth snogging. Ffion and Dylan, her boyfriend, were out dancing together. Which just left Caradoc and Remus together. 

 

Caradoc started coming out of his shell, the more he drank the more flirty he got with Remus. Remus honestly didn’t mind, he was younger than what he would usually go for, but with his mind constantly on Sirius, he was willing to give nearly anyone a go. 

 

During the countdown to midnight, Remus had found himself in a toilet stall with Caradoc on his knees giving him one of the sloppiest blow jobs he’s had. Remus didn’t care, he just wanted to get off without thinking about Sirius. 

 

Around 1 AM Caradoc went back into the bathrooms and Remus found him snorting something. He gave him a few lines and Remus had never felt better. 

######  _ 1ST OF JANUARY 2027 _

 

When Remus woke up, he didn’t recognise where he was, but there was a naked boy next to him. He recognised him as the shy blond boy from last night.

 

He felt like he had been run over by a truck, his body ached and he had scratch marks all down his arms. His naked body was all covered in sweat. This was the worst place to feel like hell in. 

 

Caradoc rubbed his eyes. “Morning,” he yawned.

 

Remus thought he looked younger in the morning light but in saying that, he was already tipsy when Ffion had found him outside. So he probably looked the exact same as he did last night just he was already too out of it to realise. 

 

He honestly didn’t remember much from the night before. There were parts he remembered which were getting a blow job, snorting whatever it was in the bathroom and then going back to their house and shagging Caradoc senseless into the mattress. 

 

“Morning,” Remus said scanning the room for his clothes. He hated the mornings after, they were all awkward and filled with not knowing what to say or do next.

 

Is he expected to stay around? Especially since Ffion had sort of taken him under his wing and told him that they’re going to be friends forever. 

 

“Ffion is probably in the kitchen making breakfast,” Caradoc said sitting up. He took a spoon and three other things of his bedside table drawer. He put a tube between his lips, a chunk of what looked like black tar on a spoon. 

 

“Oh okay, yeah,” Remus nodded watching the boy flick his lighter underneath the spoon, heating whatever it was up and inhaling the vapours.

 

He lowered the spoon away from the tube and the lighter flicked off. “Do you want some?” 

 

“What is it?” Remus asked.

 

“Drugs,” he shrugged. “It’ll make you feel better, promise.”

 

Remus knew it was stupid taking a drug he didn’t know but he agreed to it nevertheless. 

######  _ 15TH OF JANUARY 2027 _

 

Remus was walking across campus to the library when he saw the guy he hooked up with on New Year’s eve walking towards him. 

 

The boy stood in front of him. Part of Remus was relieved to see him, he wanted to know his dealer. The other part of him knew that whatever he wanted, wasn’t going to end well on his part. Caradoc seemed young, naive and willing to do anything. “Hi.”

 

“It’s Caradoc, right?” Remus asked.

 

“You remember me,” he smiled.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Caradoc took a deep breath and looked into Remus’ eyes. “I was wondering if you would like to… I don’t know… go on a date with me or something. We don’t have to go anywhere, I would just like to see you again.”

 

_ There it is _ , Remus thought. The way Caradoc was looking at him with such hopefulness, broke Remus’ heart because he was not interested in dating anyone. Let alone a twenty-year-old. Remus hated to admit it but he didn’t think he would ever want to date anyone after what happened with Sirius. They were happy and in love, it came crashing down around him and he still hasn’t been able to move on from him. 

 

Remus sighed. “I don’t really date…”

 

“I’ll give you more heroin,” he raised his eyebrow. Remus was didn’t want to be shocked that he was going to use drugs to get him to say yes, but part of him was. This guy wanted to be with him so much he wanted to coerce him into it with heroin. 

 

“I still don’t date,” he said.

 

“You can fuck me then.”

 

“I don’t want you to think that I’m interested in a relationship when I’m not.”

 

“You just made it clear you don’t, but I still want you to fuck me again,” he ran his finger down Remus’ arm. 

 

Remus shook his head. His conscience couldn’t handle using someone for drugs, he didn’t think. “No, no… I can’t sleep with you for drugs,”

 

“Fine, find someone else to give you heroin,” Caradoc shrugged and started to walk away. 

 

Remus grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “Okay, okay.”

 

“Sunday?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I’ll see you then,” he winked and walked away. 

######  _ 18TH OF JANUARY 2027 _

 

Remus woke up in Caradoc’s room again. Caradoc wasn’t in the room but there was a used needle on his bedside table that wasn’t there last night. He grabbed his clothes and got dressed before walking out into the kitchen where Caradoc was standing there in a school uniform.

 

Remus felt sick. Caradoc didn’t look young for his age but he actually was young and looked older for his age. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t ask him for his age before they slept together. He had never felt like such an idiot before. 

 

Remus quietly ate a bowl of cereal himself before Caradoc finished his and pulled him outside to walk him to school. Caradoc held Remus’ hand and intertwined their fingers. He looked up at Remus with a smile. Last night in his opinion had been a success, Remus let his walls down a little, it was possible that Remus will want to be with him. They’d be happy together. “So when will I see you again?” 

 

“You won’t be, you’re in school,” Remus said pulling his hand away from Caradoc. 

 

Caradoc sounds in front of Remus and walked backwards. “I’m turning seventeen, it’s legal.”

 

“I thought you were around twenty, if I had known you were younger I wouldn’t have gone there,” Remus ran his fingers through his hair. 

 

“It’s not like Ffion cares or any of them for that matter. They’re probably happy that I have an older guy looking out for me,” he reached out for Remus’ hand who quickly moved it behind his back.

 

That made him feel sick. It also made think about Daniel, his father’s friend, that he slept with when he was Caradoc’s age. He couldn’t understand why anyone would want to date or knowingly sleep with a sixteen-year-old. He could barely excuse himself for sleeping with him without knowing his age.

 

“No, sorry, but no, you’re a child.”

 

“It's legal,” Caradoc rolled his eyes. “This happened in Trainspotting.”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’re kidding right?” 

 

“No, I mean Mark and Diane had this conversation in Trainspotting, except it’s illegal in Scotland,” he smiled as if it made the situation better. 

 

“I know, I have seen it before,” Remus said before halting his tracks. What if Caradoc purposely set this up like the scene in Trainspotting? “Wait, did you set this up on purpose?”

 

“It’s not like I can get you to stay with me by threatening to tell the police,” he sighed. “But in saying that, I could say that you forced yourself onto me”

 

Remus shook his head. “You can’t do that,”

 

“Stay with me,” Caradoc took both of Remus’ hands and stepped forward. 

 

“I have a child if you do that I won’t be able to see him again,” Remus explained, Caradoc’s eyes went wide at the mention of a child.

 

“You’ve got a kid?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I want to meet him.”

 

Remus looked around, there weren’t many people around but there was a bench further up the street. Remus grabbed his hand and pulled him towards it. “Sit down.”

 

“Remus,” he smiled down at their hands and gently rubbed his thumb onto the back of Remus’ hand.

 

“Sit down, now,” he demanded. Caradoc slowly sat down on the bench, still holding Remus’ hand. Remus pulled his hand away from him and Caradoc’s face dropped. “This isn’t happening, I am nine years older than you. I am doing a PhD, you probably haven’t done the GCSEs yet.”

 

“It’s legal,” he pleaded. Caradoc thought Remus was the most beautiful man he had ever met and he wanted nothing more to have the man’s arms wrapped around him. He knew Remus was good in bed or at least that’s how he remembered him to be, but he also knew that Remus would be a great boyfriend. If he only just let his guard down.

 

“You are only five years older than my son,” Remus ran his fingers through his hair again. 

 

Caradoc folded his arms. “I can take care of a kid.”

 

“You’re missing the point, you are a child yourself,” he groaned. 

 

Caradoc was frustrating, whatever explanation Remus gave him, he was ready to tear down. It was as if they were going in circles and the only way it would end is if he agreed to see him. Remus wasn’t going to let that happen though, he wasn't going to agree to this just for this argument to end. 

 

“You took my virginity,” he looked up at Remus longingly. He wanted to reach out and hug the man, Remus would hug him back and kiss his forehead and tell him sweet things. They’d be happy together if he just gave them a chance. 

 

“If I had known how young you actually were, I wouldn’t have.”

 

“You enjoyed it, right?”

 

Did he enjoy it? He probably did but the fact he was sixteen currently overshadowed everything else. Whenever he thought about it he felt sick. 

 

Remus was going to go for the straight up truth, hoping that it would be harder to poke holes in. “Caradoc, listen to me, I am never going to date you or sleep with you.”

 

“When you want to feel good again, you will come back to me, I guarantee it,” Caradoc smiled.

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “I doubt that.”

 

“My body and drugs could be all yours if you just asked,” he reached out for Remus’ hand again, who quickly moved it out of reach. 

 

“That’s the thing, I don’t want either of them!” 

 

“I love you.”

 

Remus sighed. “I can’t do this with you.”

 

“If I was twenty, would you want to be with me?” he moved a hand up to Remus’ cheek and stroked it with his thumb. He was pleasantly surprised that Remus didn’t run away, maybe he was closer to convincing him that they could be together. 

 

“No,” he shook his head. Caradoc’s eyes went large and he stepped back and shoved both of his hands in his blazer pockets. 

 

Tears welled up in his eyes. “So it's a ‘me’ thing?” 

 

“No it’s an ‘I’m still in love with my ex’ thing,” Remus admitted. It wasn’t necessarily hard to say, he knew that he would be in love with him until he died even if they never saw each other again. Sirius was home and wherever he was at the moment, that’s where his heart was.

 

“Have you ever taken heroin around him?”

 

“Where is this going?”

 

“He doesn’t know you truly, do you think he would love you if he found out you do heroin?” He stood up and placed his hands on Remus’ hips and looked up at him. “I do.”

 

“You don’t know me and it’s going to stay that way,” Remus sighed.

 

He took out a pen from his backpack and wrote his phone number on the back of Remus’ hand. “My number for when you want my body or drugs.”

 

As Caradoc walked away, Remus thought about Sirius. Would Sirius love him if he found out about the heroin? Remus still loved Sirius and he was quite the hallucinogenic experimentalist before they met.

 

It wasn’t even like he was addicted to heroin, he had taken it three times. What he hated was that he didn’t try to scrub away Caradoc’s number. He knew that he will want more but he definitely wouldn’t sleep with him again. He would rather give him the little money he had for drugs than knowingly sleep with a minor.


	8. WEEK 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> family, comfort and running away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so another warning, there are mentions of date rape but its not talked about in detail.

WEEK 10

 

######  _ THURSDAY _

 

(10:38)  **i just landed in berlin**

 

(10:46)  _ Oh, why’re you there? _

 

(10:48)  **new album. i just got out of the world’s worst relationship and i need to channel something**

 

(11:03)  _ Makes sense. Sorry if texts are sporadic, I’m in a class. _

 

(11:05)  **no it’s okay. you don’t have to apologise.**

 

(11:08)  **how’s ted?**

 

(11:16)  _ Not sure, he hasn’t been to class all week.  _

 

(11:19)  **i’ll talk to him**

 

(11:25)  _ Thanks. _

 

(11:28)  **he’s my kid too**

 

(11:36)  _ So you’ve said.  _

 

(11:38)  **he's worried that you can’t afford it. i’m happy to help pay for it**

 

(11:43)  _ I told him not to worry about it.  _

 

(11:47)  **rem, let me help. like i said, he’s my kid too. if you want to pay for most of it or something, i’m happy just paying a little. or the whole thing. just tell me.**

 

(11:52)  _ Sirius… _

 

(11:56)  **oh come on. if we were together, i would probably pay for it, it shouldn’t change just because we’re not.**

 

(11:59)  _ It does change things. _

 

(12:02)  **how remus? he’s my step son. when we broke up, i didn’t break up with him. just tonks didn’t really want me around him.**

 

(12:09)  _ You tried to see him after we broke up? _

 

(12:15)  **yeah, she thought if i saw him and he’d tell you that it would end up shit.**

 

(12:18)  _ Oh  _

 

(12:19)  **did you ever think of me? while you were in wales?**

 

(12:30)  _ I didn’t want to  _

 

(12:38)  **but you did?**

 

(12:44)  _ I thought that was implied  _

 

(12:49)  **i thought about you a lot**

 

(12:55)  _ Sirius _

 

(12:58)  **i’m not coming onto you, like dumbledore said “statistics say if you get into a relationship but have left one not six months before it’s doomed” or whatever**

 

(13:05)  _ Is that what you want with me? A relationship? _

 

(13:14)  **i always thought we were heading that way**

 

(13:17)  _ Right _

 

(13:19)  **omg you do just want to fuck me, don’t you?**

 

(13:27)  _ I never said that _

 

(13:34)  **fine, when i come back, i’ll let you fuck me and you can go back to avoiding me**

 

(14:02)  _ Sirius, I never said I just want sex from you. You need to stop jumping to conclusions. _

 

(14:08)  **it took you 30 fucking minutes just to send that?**

 

(14:16)  _ I’m at work Sirius _

 

(14:42)  **honestly what the fuck am i supposed to think? whenever i ask you what you want from me you immediately change the subject. it’s fucking tiring, why can’t you just come out and say whatever it is? i’m not some big scary monster, i’m just sirius. the guy you actually proposed to, which probably was more nerve wracking than admitting what you want.**

 

(14:49)  _ If I tell you what I want, you’ll get the wrong idea. I don’t want that mess. _

 

(14:56)  **just fucking tell me already**

 

(14:59)  _ I don’t know what I want from you  _

 

(15:04)  **what do you mean you don’t know? if we fucked today would you still want me in your life tomorrow?**

 

(15:09)  _ I don’t know _

 

(15:13)  **sure you do**

 

(15:51)  _ I’m at work. I don’t have time for this. _

######  _ FRIDAY _

 

(09:29)  **i’m only texting you because i want your opinion on how teddy’s therapy went**

 

(09:39)  _ I wasn’t in the room, so I'm not sure. _

 

(09:45)  **you didn’t ask him?**

 

(09:48)  _ You asked for my opinion _

 

######  _ SATURDAY _

 

(14:28)  **do you love me?**

 

(14:31)  _ What? _

 

(14:34)  **are you in love with me remus?**

 

(14:37)  _ You’re really asking me that? _

 

(14:39)  **what’s the answer?**

 

(14:44)  _ What the fuck do you think? _

 

(14:51)  **no need to be a fucking dick about it**

 

(14:55)  **do you remember the night you took my virginity?**

 

(14:58)  _ Yes _

 

(15:03)  **i turned up at your place in the middle of winter at midnight and basically forced you to tell me how you felt. do i have to do that again?**

 

(15:08)  _ Sirius _

 

(15:15)  **STOP TEXTING MY NAME AND GIVE ME JUST A FICKING ANSWR FOR ONCE**

 

(15:19)  _ If you expect me to tell you how I feel over a text, you’ve got another thing coming  _

 

(15:24)  **do you know how frustrating you actually are?**

 

(15:30)  **you’re a goddamn fuckinh dick like you’ve always been**

 

(15:39)  _ Sirius, if you don’t want to talk to me, nobody is forcing you. You're the one that constantly starts the conversation with ME. _

 

(16:28)  **sorry for giving a shit remus. next time i won’t even fucking bother with you. im sorry for thinking that you actually still care about me.**

 

(16:46)  _ Do you always have to be so dramatic? Ffs. _

 

(16:49)  **what was the point of begging me to leave him and be with you?**

 

(16:53)  _ Ik you’re not that oblivious. You know what the point is. _

 

######  _ SUNDAY _

 

(09:28)  **i wrote a song about you. it’s called “fucking tall cunt”**

 

(09:33)  _ Good for you.  _

 

(09:37)  **aren’t you annoyed?**

 

(09:41)  _ You’ve already written 7 albums about me, it’s just another song.  _

 

(09:46)  **you’re sure all 7 albums are about you?**

 

(09:49)  _ Unless there is some other guy with brown eyes that shine golden in the sun or some equally romantic poetic shit. Yeah I’m certain they’re about me. _

 

(09:51)  **that’s a line from a song that i did ten years ago**

 

(09:54)  _ What about ‘you sung baby i love your way yadda yadda yadda’ _

 

(09:58)  **you’re sure nobody else has sung baby, i love your way to me?**

 

(10:02)  _ We both know what moment that was  _

 

(10:06)  **tell me if you’re so sure**

 

(10:13)  _ I was kissing up your body and singing that to you like a week before we broke up  _

 

(10:17)  **i never understood how we could have a moment like that but not even a week later i find out about that book**

 

(10:19)  _ I didn’t have anything to do with that fucking book _

 

(10:23)  **remus, there were things in it that only you and james know. there were things in there that happened just between us, unless you told peter what we did in bed in detail.**

 

(10:26)  _ I told him about the crying thing perhaps _

 

(10:34)  **YOU TOLD HIM THAT I USED TO CRY DURING SEX?**

 

(10:36)  _ I told basically all of them the first time it happened _

 

(10:38)  **why?**

 

(10:39)  _ Do you know how scary it is to have someone cry during sex? _

 

(10:42)  **no. also, who cares? all i did was have an emotional orgasm.**

 

(10:45)  _ You do since brought it up  _

 

(10:48)  **are you saying all of it was just peter?**

 

(10:58)  _ Basically. I mean some stuff he obviously got from us, like text messages and shit. Three days before our wedding, I got an email from a publisher with that attached to it as a draft. I printed it off to show james and lily because I was freaking out about it. Peter had pretended to be and sent it in or whatever idk.  _

 

(11:06)  **why didn’t you tell me?**

 

(11:09)  _ I wanted to see if I could stop it before you had to know _

 

(11:12)  **why?**

 

(11:15)  _ I was trying to protect you. You read it, you know some of the stuff that’s in there.  _

 

(11:19)  **why did you let me think it was you?**

 

(11:30)  _ I don’t think you would’ve believed me. I was in such a bad place when you left me at that fucking altar, I didn’t want to force you into anything. I also didn’t think I deserved you, you were so fucking out of my league and I knew one day it’ll end up in divorce because you would realise that. You would realise you could do so much better than some guy who lived in a council estate and was a teen dad.  _

 

(11:33)  **remus, you have always been out of my league. take away the famous thing and there’s nothing good about me, i’m just a fucking mess of a person. also you know the teen dad and the council estate thing never bothered me.**

 

(11:39)  **even now, you’re still out of my league. you’re a doctor, you’re fucking kind. you used to take care of me when i couldn’t, idk how many times you’ve talked me down from a ledge. the way you took care of teddy since you were fourteen is something i couldn’t ever do. you stopped drinking completely for me. what have i done for you? nothing besides give you blow jobs.**

 

(11:42)  _ Teddy is my child, it’s not that great of a thing to do. _

 

(11:45)  **ik but fourteen is actually so young to have a child. i still don’t know how you’ve done it. you’re such a great father, you know?**

 

(11:49)  _ I don’t think Teddy would agree with that sentiment. _

 

(11:53)  **he does. you know he talks about you a lot with me.**

 

(11:58)  _ Did he tell you the time when he got a mouse when he was 14 and called it Morrissey and I told him that he was a fucking wanker  _

 

(12:01)  **no…**

 

(12:03)  _ Well I did and I then told him his mouse was a fucking wanker. Tonks was less than happy and Teddy didn’t talk to me for almost three months. _

 

(12:09)  **well… you do have a point about morrissey but fourteen, that’s yikes…**

 

(12:10)  _ I made him cry _

 

(12:13)  **what happened to morrissey (the mouse)?**

 

(12:14)  _ I killed it, sort of by accident. _

 

(12:16)  **what did you do?**

 

(12:18)  _ That is something I don’t want to tell you  _

 

(12:20)  **why?**

 

(12:23)  _ It will make you take back all the nice things you said about me before _

 

(12:26)  **did you purposely kill it?**

 

(12:30)  _ It was mouse(man)slaughter  _

 

(12:33) **what did you do?** **does teddy know?**

 

(12:36)  _ He knows I killed it but Tonks thought it best not to tell him how I did it because she didn’t want him to hate me  _

 

(12:39)  **what did you do?**

 

(12:44)  _ This is really bad and I realise how bad it is but I was completely out of it. Teddy was at Fleur’s parents house for the summer so I got the duty of taking care of it. I was completely out of it and I wanted to see what would happen if I gave it drugs. _

 

(12:45)  **what drugs?**

 

(12:46)  _ Heroin _

 

(12:48)  **you gave a fucking mouse heroin?**

 

(12:49)  _ That’s what I just said _

 

(12:53)  **why did you even have heroin?**

 

(12:55)  _ Sorry that answer is only unlocked for level four and above friendship _

 

(12:56)  **what level am i?**

 

(12:59)  _ One _

 

(13:02)  **how am i level one? i’ve sucked your dick**

 

(13:04)  _ Twelve years ago. Friendship levels drop when not maintained. _

 

(13:05)  _ Also, a lot of people have sucked my dick. You don’t see them being my friend. _

 

(13:07)  **how many people have you been with since me?**

 

(13:09)  _ More than when we started dating. _

 

(13:13)  **give me a number.**

 

(13:16)  _ Pre you included maybe around 100? _

 

(13:20)  **you’ve had sex with 100 people?**

 

(13:23)  _ That’s what I just said. _

 

(13:24)  **i’ve only ever been with you and fabian… fabian hardly counts tho.**

 

(13:26)  _ How? _

 

(13:30)  **tell me about the heroin and i will**

 

(13:32)  _ I am an addict. _

 

(13:35)  **oh**

 

(13:36)  _ I am currently clean and have been since before Tonks died but I still have the track marks and the urges  _

 

(13:38)  **i wasn’t expecting that and i wasn’t expecting you to actually tell me**

 

(13:41)  _ See? I’m not some perfect angel you think I am. _

 

(13:44)  _ I told, so you tell. _

 

(13:48)  **he used to drug and rape me. well i say used to but it didn’t actually stop until i left him.**

 

(13:51)  _ I should’ve done more than break his nose _

 

(13:55)  **remus**

 

(13:58)  _ He deserves worse.  _

 

(13:59)  **don’t go after him, please. ted and i need you not in jail for murder.**

 

(14:02)  _ Sirius? _

 

(14:05)  **remus?**

 

(14:08)  _ You deserve so much better than how everyone treats you  _

 

(14:11)  **perhaps… you should break the cycle and tell me what you want with me**

 

(14:18)  _ Not happening. _

 

(14:21)  **jesus fucking christ**

 

(14:24)  _ Sorry _

 

(14:27)  **do you enjoy putting me through this?**

 

(14:36)  _ Hypothetically, I say that I love you, it's not like we get together because you’re all ‘i have to wait 6 months’. If I say I just want to fuck you, I doubt that will happen because you’re not one for casual sex, also casual sex with an ex fiancé isn’t exactly casual. Also, I’m not sure we could be just friends.  _

 

(14:39)  **aren’t we just friends right now?**

 

(14:42)  _ I think about you naked way too often for us to be just friends  _

 

(14:44)  **you think about me naked?**

 

(14:47)  _ Like I’ve said before, you are the most beautiful person in the world. I’m sure me and lots of teenage girls have thought about you naked. _

 

(14:49)  **yet you actually know what my dick looks like**

 

(14:52)  _ Your dick is my favourite dick Ive ever seen/held/etc _

 

(14:54)  **really?**

 

(14:55)  _ Yeah but just for sentimentality reasons  _

 

(14:57)  **thank you sentimentality**

 

(14:58)  _ You know… if you ever wanted to get fucked (by me), you do have my number _

 

(15:01)  _ I shouldn’t have said that. Ignore it. _

 

(15:04)  **remus, i would’ve said something if it made me uncomfortable**

 

(15:07)  _ I wouldn’t ever force myself on you. _

 

(15:09)  **i know. i didn’t think you would. also, as much as i love flirting with you, i think it’s wise if we don’t do it. it just creates a blurred line and i fear it’ll just end badly.**

 

(15:10)  _ Sorry, of course.  _

 

######  _ MONDAY _

 

(13:29)  _ I need to call you, are you busy? _

 

(13:33)  _ Please Sirius, IDK who else to call _

 

(13:34)  _ Sirius are you there? _

 

_ (13:36) Hello? _

 

_ (13:40) I need you _

 

_ (13:46) Please reply  _

 

_ (13:49) I really really need you _

 

_ (13:57) I don’t know what to do _

 

[ INCOMING CALL FROM LOVE OF MY LIFE ]

 

**“Christ, you better be dying. What happened?”**

 

_ “I found out who the person following me is.” _

 

**“Fabian?”**

 

_ “My mother.” _

 

**“Fucking hell. Have you talked to her?”**

 

_ “No, it wasn’t her exactly but sent by her. I’m in my office at work trying not to have a panic attack.” _

 

**“Rem…”**

 

**“What shoes are you wearing?”**

 

_ “They’re brown oxfords.” _

 

**“Baby, you know how this goes. Explain to me shoes they are.”**

 

“ _ They’re brown like I don’t know chocolate sort of colour, pointed at the toe, the laces are the same colour. Fuck, I spent fucking twenty years without her in my life, why does she come back now?” _

 

**“C’mon, talk to me about your shoes.”**

 

_ “They’re fake leather. It’s almost like a McDonald’s M on the toe. It’s facing towards me. This doesn’t make any sense.” _

 

**“Keep going, you’re doing so well.”**

 

“ _ It’s only got like three laces and they’re on the outside. The sole of them are black. The inside is bright orange. They’ve got one of those hole patterns around where leather overlaps from the M and the rest of the shoe. I don’t know what else to say.” _

 

**“What colour is your suit?”**

 

“ _ Tweed, I’m wearing a tweed suit.” _

 

**“Details, I need details.”**

 

_ “The colour matches my shoes. The suit jacket has three pockets, the ones at the bottom have like flaps…” _

 

**“Rem, do you want me to come back home?”**

 

_ “It’s fine.” _

 

**“Baby, I’m going to come back, okay?”**

 

_ “Sirius?” _

 

**“Yeah love.”**

 

_ “I love you.” _

 

**“I’ll see you soon, yeah? I’ll get Lily to call you so you can have someone to talk to while I organise flights and everything to come back.”**

 

——

 

Remus was sitting on his couch at home when Sirius found him. He had purposely left the door unlocked for when he arrived. Remus’ legs were brought up to his chest, his eyes were red and puffy. For a man that was 6’5, Sirius had never seen him look so small.

 

“Hey, I’m here,” Sirius pulled Remus against his chest and held him there. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist. He didn’t want to think about Hope not when Sirius Black’s arms were wrapped around him and were pressing kisses on the top of his head. There was so much more wanted to focus on and memorise. How Sirius didn’t even flinch when he nuzzled into his neck, how Sirius brought his hand up and started stroking his hair. “Not really.”

 

“Okay, we can just sit here,” Sirius continued to stroke his hair. He hated to admit he was rather uncomfortable with all of Remus’ weight pushed on top of him but he didn’t want to let go, not after getting him this close. “I told Teddy to stay the night at his Grandma’s or James’, so it’s just us for the night, okay?”

 

“She left me…” Remus mumbled against his neck. He didn’t want to cry, not in front of Sirius. It wasn’t that he found it embarrassing but he hated letting his guard down. He had a hard enough time talking to McGonagall about his abandonment issues, which he didn’t realise he had until Sirius left him. He wanted to blame Sirius for them, but he knew his mother having an affair with another man, his father dying and Sirius leaving him were all spikes on the wheel that was his abandonment issues. 

 

Deep down, Remus blamed himself for all of it. If he hadn’t gotten Tonks pregnant or talked to Evan, they wouldn’t have moved to London, therefore she wouldn’t have ever met Andrew. If he had tried harder to get his father to take the bowel cancer test, he did tell him to do it but Lyall kept saying he didn’t want to poke his faeces with a stick. If he had just told Sirius he had nothing to do with the book, he would’ve stayed and they would’ve got married. They would be happy and Sirius would hold him like this all time. 

 

“I know, I know,” he cooed.

 

Remus sniffled. “You left me too, everybody leaves me.”

 

“I’m not leaving you again, got it?” He pushed Remus back a little to see his face, he got the sleeves of his jumper and wiped his tears away before pressing a kiss on his forehead. Remus’ heart fluttered at the contact despite coming back down from a panic attack. “I’m never leaving if you don’t want me to.”

 

Remus’ body ached from all the tension that was in his body when he had the panic attack, and the position he was leaning against Sirius wasn’t helping. He removed his arms from Sirius and moved so he was sitting on the couch with the side of his body pressed up against him and his legs extended over his lap, his head still rested awkwardly in the crook of his neck.

 

The fact that Sirius was here with him and not in Berlin where he was supposed to be, made Remus feel guilty. He knew should’ve just called Lily but he had a moment of weakness and found himself spamming Sirius. Despite feeling guilty he couldn’t help but find some solace with it being him. “I’m sorry, you didn’t have to come back for me.”

 

“Of course I did.” Sirius let out a sigh. He looked down at Remus, who was using him as comfort. When they were together it was mainly Remus taking care of Sirius, making sure he showered and ate, making sure he always felt wanted and loved. In the rare moments when Remus needed someone, Sirius was always there. 

 

They sat together on the couch in silence. After an hour Remus’ stomach started rumbling, Sirius ordered Chinese and they sat apart silence. 

 

Sirius didn’t know what to say, he knew Remus usually shuts off and doesn’t talk about what’s bothering him. There has always been a part of him that he wishes he would open to him, just let him inside a little bit more. He wanted a glimpse at the past twelve years, he knew about the heroin but he still felt like he didn’t have a complete understanding of it. How did he start? Why did he start? 

 

“It wasn’t actually my mother,” Remus spoke up.

 

Sirius raised an eyebrow as he turned to face Remus. “What?” 

 

“It wasn’t my mother who hired her,” he looked over at Sirius. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Sirius quickly looked away. 

 

“Did you lie to get me here?” Sirius’ voice got rough like gravel. It was full of more emotion than he had planned. 

 

“No, it was my sister,” he sighed.

 

Sirius sat up straight, his eyes boring into Remus. “Raksha?” 

 

“Yeah,” he nodded.

 

“As in it was her following you?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What she like?”

 

Remus had no idea what her personality was like, he did know what she looked like. She was small, like his mother, Remus thought she was roughly 5ft. Her hair was dark, her eyes were dark brown, her skin was extremely pale and she dressed in a modern gothic way. 

 

“I didn’t stay to chat,” he shrugged and picked at his cuticles.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I confronted her, I told her to stop following me and she was like ‘I’m Raksha’ and I basically ran away.”

 

Sirius pulled him back into a cuddle and kissed his forehead. “Remus, it’s alright.”

 

“She’s in one of my lectures,” he sighed.

 

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

 

“I never put two and two together, she’s always right up the back. I should’ve realised that it was my fucking sister, why else would some white girl called Raksha follow me around?”

 

Sirius sighed running his fingers through Remus’ hair. Remus relaxed into his touch and shut his eyes. “I mean England is a big place.”

 

“What would you do?” he looked up at Sirius through his eyelashes. 

 

Sirius rested the side of his face on top of Remus’ heads, still running his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I don’t know.” 

 

“Honestly, what would you do?”

 

“I get what your mum did isn’t great, but it’s not your sister’s fault.”

 

“You’re actually going to give me advice?”

 

“I give great advice.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “You say ‘snap their necks’ whenever someone wrongs another and they want advice.”

 

“Honestly, it’s like blaming Teddy for something Tonks did. It’s not Raksha’s fault that your mother left you,”

 

Remus sighed. “I don’t know.”

 

Sirius pressed a kiss against his head. “It’ll be okay, you always work it out.”

 

Being close to Sirius was always an internal struggle, Remus constantly wanted to reach out and grab him by the collar and tell him how much he loved and cared for him. He was also aware of the very traumatic relationship Sirius had been in for the past decade and didn’t want to force his hand in any way.

 

Telling Sirius that he loved him over the phone was overall a bad idea, Remus came to the conclusion. He was just glad that it hadn’t come up. There were small moments they shared together, which he knew would be the perfect time to say it. When it’s just them and they’re somehow slipping back to twelve or so years ago. Times where once upon a time Remus would’ve told him that he loved him or pulled him into a kiss. He still wanted to do it, but he knew he couldn’t.

 

Being so close to Sirius but without being able to do those things hurt. A lot.

######  _ TUESDAY _

 

Remus was woken up in the morning from his alarm, Sirius was spooning him again. When they went to sleep the night before, they both had their backs turned to each other. As soon as Sirius thought Remus was asleep, made his way across the bed to wrap his arms around Remus and nuzzle his head into the crook of his neck. Remus, who was very much not asleep, was surprised at the contact but he didn’t want Sirius to run away, so he stayed quiet.

 

The alarm kept ringing, Remus groaned reaching over and turning it off. He tried to slip out from Sirius’ firm grip without disturbing him, but he clutched onto Remus with all his might. He managed to sit up but Sirius’ arms were still wrapped around him.

 

Remus knew Sirius was right about the blurred lines between them. The way Sirius was holding onto him suggested that they were more than friends, but it hadn’t been mentioned and they haven’t kissed. He was internally kicking himself for letting himself this close to Sirius without thinking about the future. If Lily was here, she’d say something along the lines of ‘you’re soulmates, just snog him’, which does not help with the are-they-or-aren’t-they question.

 

All he knew was that if it wasn’t a work day, Remus would’ve happily stayed in bed with Sirius. Even though he knew Sirius would probably storm out of the flat for something Remus said, that wasn’t even that bad. 

 

Remus wrapped his hand around Sirius’ wrist and pulled, but Sirius had a monkey grip and wasn’t planning to let go anytime soon. Not wanting to use any actual force on the man, he let go. “Sirius, let go.”

 

“No stay,” he pulled Remus, he went falling back and crashed on top of Sirius. He took the opportunity to wrap his legs around Remus’ thighs, pinning him to the bed. 

 

Remus tried to focus on something other than Sirius’ morning wood digging against his back. He was turned on, how couldn't he be when Sirius’ hard member was pressing  _ into _ him and he hadn’t had a shag in months. Every fibre in his body wanted him to turn around, pin him down to the bed and shag him senseless. 

 

Remus mentally logged what it felt like so when Sirius leaves, he could have a wank over it. Ever since Sirius came back into his life, that’s what his sex life became. Sirius doing something that Remus feels deep inside of him, then wanked over it almost on a daily basis until he did another thing. 

 

He was starting to hate Sirius’ deliciously perfect body and the way it made him feel. He was no longer eighteen but his body somehow missed the memo. 

 

Remus unpeeled one of Sirius’ legs from him. “I have to go to the gym.”

 

“Fuck the gym, give me love and attention,” Sirius said, practically in his ear. Remus sighed, why did Sirius always make the right thing to do so hard? He knew if he’d stay he wouldn’t be able to control himself and probably would start humping him or something like that. The thought him even bumping Sirius went straight down to his dick.

 

“Sirius,” he groaned managing to carefully remove Sirius’ arms with force but not enough to actually hurt him.

 

“Stay with me,” His arms quickly sprung back and Sirius’ hand fell on his excruciatingly hard dick. Remus bit down hard on his lip not to let out a moan.

 

“That’s my dick,” he stammered. Remus thanked the gods that Sirius actually couldn’t see how hard and flushed, he was front his contact.

 

Sirius’ hand still on touching it through his pants. “It’s hard.” 

 

“So is yours,” Remus rebutted. Sirius quickly let go of him and pushed him off before turning his back to him. Remus took one last look at Sirius, his wolf tattoo and it’s meaning, staring right at him. 

 

Remus got ready for the gym and spent the hour there, when he got home he had a quick shower and put on a navy blue suit. He left the two top buttons undone and walked out of his bedroom. Sirius was walking out of the kitchen as Remus was walking in.

 

“I was just leaving…” Sirius said, his eyes raking up and down Remus. “You look good in suits.”

 

Remus scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, thanks.”

 

“I have to go back to Berlin, but if anything happens, call me, yeah?” Sirius smiled up at him.

 

Remus nodded. “Okay.”

 

“Promise me,” Sirius stuck out his little finger.

 

“I promise,” Remus wrapped his finger around Sirius’ and shook it.

 

Remus saw a moment that he knew once upon a time he would’ve kissed him. Before he knew it, he was leaning down to do so, when his nose brushed against Sirius’, the older man stepped away. He almost looked mortified at the thought of kissing Remus.

 

“I have to go, my flight is soon,” Sirius mumbled before practically running out the door. 

 

Remus’ heart dropped as he heard the door slam shut. Nothing quite hurt like being rejected by the person you love. 

 

Now that he thought of it, Sirius never once even stated he wanted to get back with him. He just said that he thought that’s what they thought was happening. When he told him that he loved him over the phone, it was probably a wake-up call that he actually didn’t want Remus. 

 

Remus’ day went long and slow, the only thing he could think of was the look on Sirius’ face when he tried to kiss him. Even when he had the class with his sister, he couldn’t help but think about Sirius.

 

He was packing up his things for the day when Raksha came up to his desk and passed him a note with numbers on it.

 

“What’s this?” he flashed the paper at her. She looked different to the other day, her hair was up in a bun and she had no makeup on, she was also wearing joggers and a hoodie.

 

She shrugged. “It’s my number in case you ever want to actually know me as a person instead of the bitch that destroyed your family.”

 

“Raksha…” Remus sighed looking down at the paper. He never meant to hurt her, the more he thought about it, the more he realised that she was just a child. 

 

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to know the person who destroyed your family.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, It was Hope’s.”

 

“Well, if you ever want to talk to me, you can,” She said before walking out. 

 

Remus sat in his car with his head resting against the wheel for an hour. He kept looking at the number before shoving it into his pocket. 


	9. WEEK 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> houses, marriages and raksha visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the smut begins.

 

######  _FRIDAY_

 

Sirius opened his front door to Remus leaning against the wall. Remus was still in his suit from work while Sirius was in joggers and a hoodie with black wire-rimmed glasses on his face.

 

They hadn’t seen each other in the almost kiss in Remus’ flat a month ago. They have kept in correspondence about Teddy, but that was all Sirius talked about.

 

Sirius smiled, it didn’t feel sincere. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I wanted to see you,” Remus shrugged.

 

“Remus, I’m sort of in the middle of a meeting,” Sirius sighed, resting his head against the doorframe.

 

“I’ll just sit in the back and won’t make a noise,” he reached out for Sirius’ hand and wrapped his own pinky around his. Sirius looked down at their hands and sighed.

 

“Okay, fine,” Sirius started walking back into the house, Remus followed him in. “Just be quiet.”

 

The house inside reminded Remus of the house that Annie and Elizabeth from The Parent Trap lived in but all white and a lot larger, it also had a different layout. He moved in two weeks ago when he got back from two weeks in Berlin. The only reason why he knew that was because Teddy had helped him and stayed the night. He had mentioned that he had his own bedroom here as well if he ever stayed the night.

 

“I’m going to my study, just watch TV or something,” Sirius said standing on the stairs that were about three feet away from the door. Remus nodded and started to take a look around the house.

 

The staircase was to his left and an archway with a sitting room to his right. He walked into the sitting room which was just a couple of armchairs and coffee table, with a large window that looked across the garden. He walked out of another archway that leads into the kitchen which was very large and modern. Through another archway behind the kitchen, there was a formal dining room.

 

The kitchen looked out over a living room which had an extremely large TV hanging on the wall and two leather couches. There was a room off to the side of the living room, he opened the door and all his instruments and music related stuff set up in it. On the other side of the living room, there was another hallway which had a toilet, laundry, a library and a door to the garage.

 

He remembered when Sirius and he were looking for a place to live, Sirius wanted a place as extravagant as this but Remus kept putting his foot down.

 

In the end, Remus just sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and scrolled through his phone. He questioned why he was even here. It’s not like Sirius invited him over or anything. Teddy was out with Oscar again, they had officially become a couple which he didn’t completely mind. It just meant that he didn’t want to be home when Teddy and Oscar come home drunk and hear them shag. Also, with Teddy’s days being occupied by his boyfriend, Remus had absolutely nothing to do on the weekends.

 

Sirius’ feet came pitter-patting down the stairs, he frowned when he saw Remus sitting on his phone in the kitchen. “I thought you’d be in my reading room.”

 

“Reading room? It’s a whole fucking library you’ve got,” Remus rolled his eyes.

 

Sirius laughed. “I have to lure you here somehow.”

 

“I don’t even like reading that much,” he shrugged.

 

“Okay, Dr Literature,” he scoffed leaning against the bench top.

 

“Shut up,” he mumbled. “So what was the meeting about?”

 

“I broke my contract,” he shrugged. “Happiness comes at a price and all that.”

 

“Why'd you break your contract?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

He rubbed his temples. “I’m done with it all, with the music business, I just want a garden and a dog, maybe I’ll do my A-levels or something.”

 

This was news to Remus, Sirius always talked about how much he loved his job. It wasn’t as if they had talked about his job recently. Teddy probably knew though.

 

“Are you really?”

 

“Am I really what?”

 

“Done with the music business.”

 

“Yeah,” He sighed walking over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of champagne. “I’ve been doing this for like twenty years, I’m just tired.”

 

Remus nodded. “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m having a drink because I am finally fucking free,” Sirius said as he removed the foil from around the top and untwisted the wire cage.“I am planning on getting fucking wrecked,”

 

Remus watched Sirius struggle to open the bottle, he tried not to laugh at him struggling. “Do you need help with that?”

 

He huffed before passing Remus the bottle who opened it with ease, Remus smirked as he passed it back.

 

“Fuck off,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Do you want some?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Fine, I’ll be civilised and get glasses,” Sirius opened a cupboard above his head and took two glasses out.

 

As the night went on, they drank two bottles of champagne between themselves and were dancing around his living room. Moonlight Serenade played through Sirius’ surround speakers.

 

Sirius wrapped his hand around the back of Remus’ neck and pulled him down into a kiss. “Sirius,” Remus stepped back from Sirius.

 

“Shut up, I want this and you,” Sirius pulled him back down into a kiss. Remus pushed him up against the wall, their mouths in sync with it each other. Sirius pulled Remus’ suit jacket off and threw it across the room and started untucking his shirt. “You’re so fucking hot, I want your fucking dick in my mouth.”

 

Sirius got down onto his knees and unbuttoned Remus’ trousers and pulled down his thighs along with his underpants. Remus’ perfectly cut dick sprung up, with one hand he lifted Remus’ shirt up and the other he lightly wrapped around the base of his cock.

 

He looked up innocently at Remus, making sure their eyes were locked when he licked a long stipe up the shaft of his dick. Remus had to force himself not to grab Sirius’ hair and start face fucking him when Sirius took him in as far as he could. Moans filled the room as Sirius’ head bobbed around him.

 

Having Sirius on his knees in front of him as something Remus had thought about for years without ever thinking it will happen again. But here Sirius was, on his knees looking up at him angelically.

 

Sirius pulled back and started lapping up the precome that was spilling out. The way his tongue moved against the head of the cock was spectacular. He felt himself get closer.

 

“Fuck Sirius, I’m going to come,” Remus bucked his hips. Sirius pulled back completely and Remus let out a whine at the loss of contact. Sirius then pulled his pants and trousers back up his legs.

 

Sirius took Remus hand as he stood up before dragging him upstairs and down a corridor. He pushed a door open, turned a lamp on and pushed Remus down onto the bed. Sirius started undressing Remus, taking his shoes, socks, trousers and pants off before unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it across the room.

 

Remus laid still as Sirius got undressed and placed his glasses on the bedside table. He took out the lube and a condom and passing them to Remus, who just put them down next to him. He grabbed Sirius’ waist and pulled him onto the bed and kissed him passionately. Their naked bodies pressed against each other.

 

The way their bodies always fit next to each other and moved against another, Remus swore they were made for each other. Always perfectly in synchronicity even after more than a decade of being apart.

 

“Stay still,” Sirius said kissing down from his mouth before stopping at his collarbones. He sat up on the back of his heels taking in Remus’ body. He noticed scars on the inside of his elbows and veins that looked almost destroyed.

 

Remus propped himself up on his elbows before Sirius pushed him back flat against his back. “If you think I’m going to bottom, you’ve got another thing coming.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sirius laughed as he pressed a kiss onto Remus' lips before moving back down his body. He swore his heart stopped when he felt Sirius pressing kisses on the inside of his elbow, where his track marks were. “All of you is amazing, Moony.”

 

“Sirius,” Remus reached out and cupped the man’s cheek.

 

“It’s okay,” He said taking Remus’ hand off his cheek before pressing a kiss on the back of it. Sirius looked at Remus, naked in all his glory. He had more scars across his body, they looked more like scratches, he assumed they were from when he was using. He loved all of him, even the not so pleasant parts. Sirius smiled before pressing another kiss on his mouth. “All of you is perfect, just want to take it in.”

 

Sirius smirked. “So are you just going to lay there or are you actually going to fuck me?”

 

Remus smiled back pulling Sirius back down to him, kissing him deeply and with conviction. He tried to pour all the longing from the past twelve years into Sirius, so he knew how much this and he meant. He flipped them around so Sirius was now on his back and he was on top.

 

He kissed down Sirius’ body stopping just below his navel, before flipping him over again, so he was lying tummy down on the mattress. Sirius smiled to himself as he felt Remus kiss the wolf tattoo on his back.

 

The cap of the lube popped open with a flick of Remus’ thumb and squirted a some on his finger. He rubbed his finger along his hole without actually entering him.

 

“I did my waiting, twelve years of it,” Sirius reached around and pushed Remus’ finger into his hole.

 

Remus laughed. “Christ Sirius.”

 

“Just fuck me already,” he whined, Remus sighed in return.

 

He moved his finger in and out of Sirius before adding more lube and adding another finger. He started scissoring his fingers to stretch Sirius for his cock. Sirius let out a moan and bucked his hips when his fingers grazed his prostate. After adding a third finger and continuing to stretch him, Remus thought he was ready.

 

“How do you-” Remus started to ask but his question was answered when Sirius got on all fours. Remus took the condom and raised an eyebrow when he realised it was actually his size. He put the condom on before slowly pushing himself into Sirius.

 

“Fuck,” Sirius groaned as his arms gave way below him. It was overwhelming, he had wanted Remus for such a long time he never thought it would actually happen. He always wondered what their first time back would be like, would it be slow and sensual or would it just be pure horniness and getting well and truly fucked. He couldn’t say he would be disappointed with either of them though.

 

“Baby?” Remus started to pull out of him.

 

Sirius pushed back against Remus, taking him in deeper than before. “Keep going.”

 

Remus nodded pushing the rest of himself into Sirius, connecting to each other as if one entity. He started off slow but when Sirius let out a deep unadulterated moan from Remus hitting his spot, it was like it flicked a switch, Remus sped up and went harder.

 

Sirius reached underneath him and wrapped his hand around his hard prick, he stroked himself as Remus fucked him hard from behind. He knew he would be sore tomorrow, Remus and his large dick was a blessing and a curse. He burrowed his head into the pillow as Remus kept pushing into him. Bursts of pleasure kept erupting inside him with each thrust that pressed into his prostate.

 

Remus wanted to be closer to Sirius, he wanted to feel all of him. He wrapped an arm around his torso and pulled him up against his chest. Sirius’ hand that wasn’t wrapped around his cock went up and held the back of Remus’ head and pulled him down to a kiss.

 

Their tongues mingled together as Remus’ thrusts became more erratic. They were both close to the edge. Remus moved his hand from Sirius’ hip to his cock, as soon as he wrapped his fingers around it, Sirius came all over his chest.

 

Watching Sirius come from him simply just touching him, sent him over the edge. “Oh fuck,” he moaned out as he spilled into the condom.

 

He slowly pulled out of Sirius and went into the en-suite off the bedroom to discard of the condom. When he came back, Sirius was laying on his back with tissues in his hand. Remus took them off him and threw them into the bin before crawling into bed next to Sirius. He pulled him close, their faces inches apart and their legs tangled together.

 

“That was…” Sirius breathed out.

 

“Great,” Remus added.

 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded before kissing him softly, his fingertips lightly ghosting along his jaw before pulling back and shutting his eyes. Remus started kissing along Sirius’ jaw, Sirius tried to repress a smile but couldn’t help it.

 

“I’ve got a question,” Remus whispered in his ear before nipping at his earlobe.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What’s up with the glasses, are they just for fashion or can’t you see?”

 

“I can see, just not very far,” he poked his tongue out at Remus. “Last year, I was watching football and I realised I couldn’t read the score on the TV, I didn’t do anything about it, then I went to a game with James and Harry and I was like, I definitely can’t see the score, I went to the optometrist and they were like you’re short-sighted.”

 

Remus nodded. “Ah.”

 

“My incest genes have finally caught up,” Sirius laughed.

 

“I love you,” Remus smiled. Sirius kissed him leading him down flat against his back. “Baby, I don’t have the stamina to go again yet.”

 

“No, just want to cuddle,” he mumbled curling up against Remus’ side and resting his head on his chest.

 

######  _SATURDAY_

 

Remus woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom, the light was pouring in through the open curtains. The bedroom was basically all white except the chocolate brown carpet. It looked different last night but in saying that he was drunk and they only had a lamp on.

 

He found his underpants on the floor and put them on before walking downstairs. Sirius stood in the kitchen putting fruit into a juicer, he somehow looked perky despite the fact that they did drink last night. Remus took a seat down at the breakfast bar as Sirius turned off the juicer.

 

“Morning love,” Sirius leaned over the counter and pressed a kiss onto Remus’ lips. Remus looked back at him surprised by the contact which he noticed. “You do remember last night, right?”

 

Remus honestly hardly even had a hangover. When he usually drank, it was in a lot larger quantities. “Yes, I didn’t drink _that_ much.”

 

“You did just want to shag me, fuck, I’m such an-” Sirius started rambling, so Remus leaned over and kissed him back to get him to be quiet. “What was that for?”

 

“Shut up, I love you,” he said pecking his lips again.

 

Sirius smiled to himself as a blush crept up onto his cheeks. “Do you want a coffee or something?”

 

Part of Remus knew he should be upset by Sirius not saying it back. It didn't feel as if it’s a problem. He had always loved Sirius, through the past twelve years, it was if he was a permanent fixture or tear in his heart that will never leave. Remus loved Sirius without expecting anything back, he loved him in his darkest hour, a complete unadulterated love.

 

Having Sirius in front of him, walking around in just joggers with glasses on making himself breakfast, being able to just lean over and kiss him, was overwhelming. Remus watched Sirius walk away to the kettle. He never thought he’d get to be domestic with Sirius again, this was what most mornings were like when together. They were easily filled with a good morning kiss while they settled into their usual routine.

 

“Tea is fine if you’ve got any,” Remus sighed.

 

Sirius nodded flicking the kettle on and pouring the juice he made into a glass. He opened the newspaper and went straight to the crossword. “What are you going to do today?”

 

“I’ve got some marking to do actually.”

 

He frowned at the thought of Remus leaving just as soon as he got him back. “Oh, yeah of course.”

 

“I could go get it but come back,” Remus thought out loud.

 

A smile spread across Sirius’ face. “Yeah, okay.”

 

Their morning was spent with Remus sitting on the couch marking some people’s papers. Sirius was curled up next to him reading some book he was engrossed with.

 

At lunchtime, Sirius made them nachos and they watched _What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?_ while Sirius painted his toenails black.

 

Sirius then got out more alcohol and ended up telling Remus how much he wanted to be with him. Remus proceeded to tell Sirius they should get married right away and live together happily ever after. After a very quick google, Sirius found out that in Gibraltar you can get married just 24 hours after applying for a marriage certificate. Sirius ended up quickly packing an overnight bag between them both and getting in a taxi to go to the airport.

 

 

######  _MONDAY_

 

Remus woke up to Sirius kissing along his jaw, he hummed in response as Sirius’ kisses went lower before he wrapped his lips around Remus’ dick. After a lazy morning blow job, Sirius pressed a kiss onto his lips. “Morning, husband.”

 

Remus smiled. “Morning baby.”

 

“It’s Mr Lupin to you,” Sirius poked his chest.

 

Remus was falling back to sleep when he realised it was Monday not Sunday. “Fuck, shit, fucking shit,” Remus shot up out of bed and quickly putting clothing on.

 

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and watched his husband run around the hotel room. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I have work,” he sighed throwing clothing into the bag.  

 

“I already called in late for you, your first class is at three,” Sirius took Remus’ hand and pulled him back onto the bed.

 

“What’s the time now?”

 

“Almost nine.”

 

Remus went to get off the bed but Sirius wrapped his arms around him to keep him to stay put. “I really have to go now.”

 

“Our flight is in two hours,” he kissed down the back of his neck. “So if you want, you can go down on me.”

 

“You’re supposed to get there two hours before the flight,” Remus sighed but leaned into Sirius’ touch.

 

“Remus, it’s not a commercial flight, it’s my plane,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know, sometimes you have such a stick up your arse.”

 

Remus scoffed. “I do not.”

 

“Yeah, you do, it’s okay though, I love you regardless,” he kissed Remus’ cheek. Remus just looked at him completely stunned. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”

 

He pulled away from Sirius to look at his face on. “You just said you love me.”

 

“I’ve said it before,” Sirius went back to kissing his neck and stopped at his collarbone, giving that particular spot extra time.

 

“Yeah, like twelve years ago.”

 

He pulled back from the love bite he gave Remus on his collarbone. “No, I would’ve said it last night.”

 

“You didn’t say the words ‘I love you’.”

 

Sirius took Remus’ chin between his thumb and index finger. “I love you.”

 

“We should really make our way to the airport,” Remus smiled.

 

“Fine, fine. The stick up your arse wins this time.”

 

——

 

(18:58) **where are you?**

 

(18:59) _I’m at home_

 

(19:10) **… i thought you’d be moving in here**

 

(19:13) _Sirius…_

 

(19:16) **you want to divorce me already don’t you?**

 

(19:19) _I don’t think we really thought this whole marriage thing through properly_

 

(19:23) **i thought it through twelve fucking years ago**

 

(19:28) _Our lives are different twelve years ago, not to mention we weren’t even together 4 days ago_

 

(19:35) **fuck you remus. it was your fucking idea in the first place. you’re a fucking cunt.**

 

######  _TUESDAY_

 

(09:28)  _Sirius Has Gone AWOL Again. Can You  Call Him?_

 

(19:29) _He won’t pick up for me. I guarantee it._

 

(19:32)  _Why? Anyways, Just Try._

 

——

 

[ OUTGOING CALL TO SIRIUS ]

 

**“Fuck off, you cunt. Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses.”**

 

[ SIRIUS DISCONNECTED CALL ]

 

——

 

(19:36) _He picked up…_

 

(19:38)  _That Was Quick. What Did He Say?_

 

(19:41) _Fuck off you cunt. Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses._

 

(19:45)  _What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do._

 

(19:48) _It’s easier to just tell you over the phone._

 

——

 

[ OUTGOING CALL TO JIMMY ]

 

_“So, what fucked up thing did you do this time?”_

 

_“We eloped.”_

 

_“You fucking what?”_

 

_“We got married while drunk. I told him the day after we didn’t think it through and we hadn’t even gotten back together four days before.”_

 

_“ So, you want to annul it?” _

 

_“I never said that. He just assumed I said that.”_

 

_“What did you mean then?”_

 

_“James, marriage is a very big deal. I just… I need him to make sure this is what he wants. I have a kid, that makes it more complicated.”_

 

_“I don’t believe you.”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_“You’re making excuses.”_

 

_“I’m not. He left me at the fucking altar before, I need him to absolutely certain about this before I move in or something. I can’t go through that day again.”_

 

_“ He’s my brother.” _

 

_“James…”_

 

_“Bye.”_

 

[ JIMMY DISCONNECTED CALL ]

######  _WEDNESDAY_

 

Raksha came into his flat and put her leather jacket down on the dining table chair. “I didn’t expect you to invite me over.”

 

“Oh, I’ve just… you honestly are a welcome distraction,” Remus shoved his hands in his pockets.

 

“Why, what’s going on?” she asked leaning against the table.

 

“It's a long story,” Remus shrugged leaning against his couch.

 

“Right,” she nodded, unconvinced.

 

He sighed. “It’s not a you thing, it's just complicated.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“It’s just shit with my ex, well sort of ex, our relationship is complicated.”

 

“How complicated?”

 

Remus thought, _very_. Everything with Sirius was always complicated. It never came easy to them, it was always will they/won’t they but when they did, it just turned into a bigger mess. He decided he won’t drink anymore because that will save him from getting hitched with his ex.

 

“We got married but we’re not actually dating,” Remus rubbed his face with both his hands. “I told him he should think about what it means and he heard ‘I want to get divorced’ so he’s no longer talking to me and my son has taken his side, so…”

 

She perked up. “You’re married to a man?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“You’re gay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But you’ve got a son?”

 

“I wasn’t always gay,” Remus laughed. “I’ve been with women.”

 

“How old is he?” she asked.

 

“He’s nineteen,” he smiled. The way she asked questions made him realise that she didn’t really know anything about him. It made him wonder if his mother did ever mention him, it wouldn’t surprise him if she didn’t. “So I take it Hope hasn’t mentioned me.”

 

“No she has, just hasn’t talked in depth about you. All we knew was your name is Remus, you’re older and had a different dad,” she shook her head.

 

Remus’ ears perked up at the word _we_ . _We_ insinuated that they had more siblings, Remus wasn’t prepared to hear that his mother had completely moved on from him. She had a new family, without him. “We?”

 

“Oh yeah, there’s five of us not including you.”

 

“Five?”

 

“Yeah. Lupita and Bleddyn who are seventeen and from my father, Accalia who is ten and Akela who is six and they’re with mum’s newish husband,” she said looking up at Remus, who was running his fingers through his hair. “Also got a step-sister who is my age called Frances.”

 

He moved his fingers from his hair and rubbed them down his face. “Christ.”

 

“Yeah, I think mum was glad I decided to move out but I was mainly living with my dad anyways,” She softly laughed. “I shared a bedroom with Lupe and Accalia, so I think they were happy when I moved out as well.”

 

Remus looked across at her, she was playing with the ends of her now bright red hair. “Does she know that you know me?”

 

“No, definitely not,” she shook her head.

 

“Right,” he nodded.

 

“Just… I don’t think she’d understand.”

 

“It’s alright, I haven’t spoken to her since I was seventeen.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “How old are you now?”

 

“Thirty-four.”

 

“Did we ever meet when I was a baby?”

 

“No, I never spent any time with her after she left,” he sighed. “She didn’t approve of my son or anything and he comes before anyone.”

 

“What’s his name?” she asked.

 

“Edward,” Remus smiled. “It’s a basic non-wolf related name.”

 

“Fuck, I hate the wolf-related names, do you know how many Raksha’s there is? Not many,” she said.

 

Remus looked at his feet and laughed while shaking his head. “My husband… doesn’t matter.”

 

“What?”

 

“He used to call me Moony since my first name and surname are both wolf related,” he smiled at the thought of Sirius. How Sirius would stand on his tippy-toes, wrap his arms around his neck, kiss him all over his face and whisper Moony while he did it. “He still does.”

 

“Do… do you love him?” she asked.

 

“I married him, didn’t I?” he looked up at her.

 

“Of course, sorry,” she apologised. “Do you have any photos of my nephew?”

 

“Give me a moment,” Remus pushed himself off the couch armrest and walked into his bedroom. He came back out with the shoebox filled with photos. He found a picture of Teddy dressed up nicely for his end of school dinner. “This was him at his sixth form dinner.”

 

She looked at the photo intently as Remus put the box down on the table and sat down at the table. “Can I take a look?”

 

“Oh yeah, sure,” he pushed it towards her.

 

She flicked through the photos not looking at any for more than a few seconds before stopping and furrowing her eyebrows. “You know Sirius Black?”

 

“What makes you say that?” Remus sat up straight.

 

She flashed a photo of them at Remus’ graduation. Remus was dressed up in the graduation gown with his arm around Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius’ was wrapped his waist. They were both smiling at the camera, which Lily was holding. “That’s him, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Remus nodded.

 

“Did he know someone who was graduating?” She asked and Remus just nodded in response. It wasn’t an exact lie, Sirius did know someone who was graduating, which was him. “Here he is again.”

 

The photo was of them at one of Lily and James’ get-togethers in the summer before they broke up. Remus was sitting in a chair with his middle finger flipped up at the camera and a cigarette in his other hand. Sirius was standing behind him with his arms wrapped around Remus’ neck and smiling at the camera as if some giddy child. “Do you actually know Sirius Black? Like he knows your name and everything?”

 

“His brother is married to my best friend,” he said. That wasn’t a lie either, just not the exact truth of their relationship.

 

Raksha smiled largely, it was almost like Remus suddenly just got much cooler. He wasn’t some loser older brother who was a teacher, he knew a celebrity and was (sort of) friends with them. “That’s cool.”

 

“I guess,” he shrugged.

 

“You don’t think so?” she raised an eyebrow.

 

He didn’t know how to explain to her without outing Sirius. No matter what happens between them, that’s one thing he wouldn’t do, out him to somebody. He decided to tell the truth without actually mentioning their relationship. “He’s a fucking pain in my neck.”

 

“Is he like really mean and shallow?”

 

“No, nothing like that,” he chuckled.

 

“What is it then?”

 

“Complicated.”

 

“This type of complicated?” she said holding up another photo. It was from Lily and James’ wedding. Sirius was sitting on Remus’ lap, Remus’ hand was on Sirius’ upper thigh. Sirius’ head was tilted back in laughter and Remus was staring at him as if he was a star himself. It wasn’t as if it screamed ‘we were together’ but there was enough to say something was probably happening between them.

 

“Sirius is an overly affectionate individual,” Remus shrugged.

 

“What about this one?” she asked flashing another photo up. It wasn’t ‘incriminating’ either. It was from the summer of 2021, the whole group rented out a house in Spain. Sirius was wearing very short swimming shorts in the kitchen talking to Remus. Remus was clearly staring at Sirius’ bulge.

 

“That doesn’t mean anything besides the fact that I needed to invest in sunglasses or become better at perving,” he retorted.

 

“Oh, oh, oh,” she held a picture up to her eyes, taking a longer look.

 

Remus sat forward. “What?”

 

“What do you have to say about this one?” she asked. The photo was of Sirius and him leaning on a railing of a balcony, Sirius was smiling at the camera and Remus was smiling at Sirius.

 

“I mean, I get the point, I was clearly into him but you have no proof that he was into me,” Remus rolled his eyes.

 

“I think that’s all the proof I need,” she slid across a photo from their engagement party. They were sitting at a table, Remus was talking to Frank and Sirius was looking at him a few seats down from him in a way that he had never seen before from him. It was happiness.

 

Remus felt his stomach drop. He knew Sirius loved him, considering how Sirius used to follow him around like a puppy. He didn’t know Sirius was genuinely happy with him.

 

“That doesn’t prove that we were together,” Remus shrugged.

 

“It doesn’t?” she raised an eyebrow.

 

He started collecting the photos that were spread out on the table and putting them back in the box. “I think that’s enough.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Was that… is that your husband?” she pointed to Frank in the picture.

 

Remus shook his head and laughed. “Nah, Frank’s straight as a pin.”

 

She twisted her mouth in thought and her fingers drummed against the Ikea table. She sighed and looked up at Remus with glee in her eyes. “What about Sirius? Is he your husband?”

 

“Sirius Black is dating Marlene McKinnon last I heard,” Remus stepped around the question. “Also, do you think Sirius could get married and keep it out of the tabloids?”

 


	10. WEEK 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annulling, Wales and Leaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi kiddos, just a warning, Remus talks about paedophilia in the scene where he is sitting on the flood barrier, so be careful if that triggers you.
> 
> also, its a fairly lengthy chapter but I can't say it is of good quality, sorry for the time it took me to update.  
> Anyways, here is the last chapter before the epilogue.

 

######  _FRIDAY_

 

(10:17) **i’ve applied for an annulment**

 

(10:23) _Oh_

 

(10:27) **it’s what you fucking wanted. to get rid of me.**

 

(10:29) _I never said that I wanted to get our marriage annulled. I also never said I wanted to get of you._

 

(10:32) **what do you want from me?**

 

(10:35) _I wanted YOU to be sure that being married to me is what YOU wanted._

 

(10:36) **i told you, i’ve been sure for 12 fucking years**

 

(10:37) _I’m not the same person that you were going to get married to 12 years ago_

 

(10:39) **whatever remus. i’m telling you i am sure what i want but you’re not fucking listening to me.**

 

(10:41) _Fine. We’ll get it annulled._

 

(10:42) **ok good.**

 

(10:45) **i also said i would never leave you UNLESS you wanted me to, so all this is on you**

 

——

 

(12:29)  _Sirius Said He Has Applied For An Annulment_

 

(12:32) _Apparently._

 

(12:34)  _Listen, I Know I’ve Been Harsh On You And Lily Explained What It Must Be Like For You. Just Sirius Is My Brother, I Know He Is A Dipshit, But We’re Family. After Everything With Fabian, I Just Don’t Like To See Him Get Hurt._

 

(12:35) _Okay…_

 

(12:37)  _I Just Mean, When This Gets Finalised And You Both Go Back To Ignoring Each Other’s Existence And Hating One Another, We’ll Still Be Friends._

 

(12:42) _Alright_

 

(12:46)  _How Is Everything With You? Are You Okay?_

 

(12:48) _I am still clean if that’s what you wanted to know_

 

——

 

Everything with Sirius was turning to shit, he had to get away from London. Wales felt like almost an entirely different planet, especially his hometown. It was a town with roughly 5000 people in it, most were retirees.

 

He walked through the aisles to the back of the shop where all the refrigerated drinks were kept. He took out a Redbull and went up to the counter. Joseph, the man behind the counter, had owned the shop since Remus was a kid. The man looked like in his 60s now.

 

“Can I also please have a twenty pack of Lambert & Butler original silver,” Remus said pulling out his wallet. Joseph nodded and opened the cabinet behind him and put the packet on the counter.

 

“That will be £13.80,” Joseph said as he rung up the total on his register. “Smoking kills.”

 

“So do ballpoint pens, Joseph,” he responded as he handed over £15.

 

“I remember when you were a little boy, now look at you,” he said as took the money. “What have you been up to?”

 

“I work at King’s College, in London,” Remus said. Joseph was always a chatterbox, he liked to know anything and everything about people. He used to say it gives him a better understanding of how the world works, Remus wanted to call bullshit but he never did.

 

He asked going through the money in his till. “Doing what?”

 

“Teaching 19th-century literature,” he sighed.

 

“Very nice,” Joseph nodded and handed him over his change.

 

“Well, I better be going,” Remus said putting the change into his wallet and walking out with his purchases.

 

Remus sat on the bonnet of his car and lit a cigarette. He felt stupid for coming back here, there were too many memories, too many people who knew him. Part of him felt like he should’ve fucked off to Scotland or somewhere where nobody can find him.

 

“Remus?” A woman with hazel eyes and the Star of David around her neck asked. Remus looked up from the ingredient list on his Redbull. Hope, his mother, stood in front of him.

 

She looked exactly how he remembered her, just older. Dyed brown hair, prominent cheekbones, average height and skinny, except now she now had slight wrinkles around her eyes. It wasn’t like she was old, she was only twenty-one when she got pregnant with him.

 

During secondary school a lot of the boys used to try to befriend him, so they can talk to his mother. Since she was also a hairdresser, they used to always come into her shop to try and get their hair cut by her. Remus never quite understood everyone’s fascination with her.

 

“Uh… hi,” Remus dropped the can of Redbull and it sprayed all over the gravel car park. He sighed picking the now empty can off the ground. “Fucking hell.”

 

“What… what are you doing here?” she asked.

 

“I _was_ getting a drink,” he said looking at the can in his hand. It was a shame, he was looking forward to drinking it.

 

“I meant in Llanfairfechan.”

 

He shrugged. “Oh, well, I’m not sure.”

 

“Oh okay,” she nodded before walking into the store.

 

It was the truth, he had no idea why he was here. It just sort of ended up that way. He figured it was his subconscious calling him into something familiar and predictable. Llanfairfechan also felt like the edge of the world after driving from London. It was a quiet coastal town, it didn’t even have a school. Everyone spoke Welsh and English.

 

He grew up two streets away from the water, he’d walk to the end of his street and through a strip of the bush, across the Promenade and he’d be at the beach. He never actually went swimming there, nobody really did. Everyone mostly ate chips and watched the ocean. Sometimes people took their dogs and they played in the water. During low tide, it was a trek to get to the water across a lot of sand.

 

One time about a month before he found out about Tonks being pregnant, Evan and he had skived off school and sat on the rocks all day. They sat against the flood wall and ate chips. Remus ended up giving Evan a blowjob, which was the first time he had ever done it. It was over rather quickly and Evan returned the favour. Evan declared they were dating and Remus agreed without any real conviction.

 

Another time they bought chips and sat on the golf course snogging and stealing people’s balls. They also stole plastic cups from Joseph’s store despite having the money and not actually needing them. They drank the coke straight out of the bottle. A man ended up making a complaint about them, they ran into the national park the course backed onto. They walked home along the river and when he got home, his mother was waiting for him with a very unimpressed. She started questioning him and he ended up having to come out to her because he knew she knew despite her not saying so.

 

All his teen memories from when he lived in Wales involved Evan in one way or another. He was either dating him or friends or being attacked by him.

 

Hope came out of the store about ten minutes later and passed Remus a Redbull. Remus hesitantly took it from her. “You didn’t have to.”

 

“I felt bad,” she said sitting next to him on his car.

 

“Thanks,” he smiled. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I moved back here two weeks ago,” she smiled.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m in our old house, you should come around for dinner. I have leftover cawl I can heat up for you.”

 

“I was just going to go to the inn,” Remus shrugged.

 

“Nonsense, I'll make you rarebit as well.”

 

“I- okay.”

 

“You remember the address?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Hope kissed his temple before walking to her car. Remus’ fingers ghosted over where his mother’s lips were.

 

After sitting on his bonnet for five more minutes contemplating about whether he’d actually go to his old home, he decided to. It wasn’t like he had much to lose, the worst thing that could happen would be Hope kicking him out and saying she never wanted to see him again.

 

It was weird walking up to his childhood home now as an adult. It was a terrace with now white rendering, when he lived there as a child it was painted bright yellow. The entire block was painted in bright colours but it was all hues of grey and white. He went up to knock on the door but it opened before he got the chance.

 

“Cariad, come in,” Hope beamed and ushered him inside. She pulled him into a hug before stepping back and looked at her son up and down before cupping his cheeks. “You’re so tall.”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Remus agreed.

 

Hope barely came up to Remus’ armpit. “What’s your height?”

 

“I’m 6’5,” he said, placing a hand on top of his mother’s. She smiled up at himself. Remus couldn’t understand how she could be so happy to see him after she had left him.

 

“Of course you are,” she put her hands down and walked towards the kitchen. “How long are you staying?”

 

Remus awkwardly followed her into the kitchen. The house was open planned, the kitchen, dining room and living room were all one room. “I have to work on Monday, so probably leaving Sunday.”

 

“Oh yes, tell me all about that,” She said pulling out a seat for Remus. “Take a seat. Do you want a cup for your drink?”

 

“You really don’t-” Remus said but she took his Redbull and poured into it a cup regardless. “Thanks.”

 

“So work,” she smiled. Remus noticed she was smiling a lot.

 

“I work at a university,” he said taking a sip of his drink.

 

“At King’s College, you teach literature, right?” she said as she got a loaf of bread and cut it into slices.

 

“Yeah…” Remus said. “Did Raksha tell you?”

 

“What? No. I’ve always kept tabs on you,” she went over to the kitchen bench and started making the cheese mixture.

 

“Oh.”

 

She went over to the fridge and started getting out the ingredients. “You’re my son, just because you stopped caring about me doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you.”

 

Remus sighed. “I didn’t stop caring, I just-”

 

“Your father didn’t give you much choice,” she sighed, taking out the can of Guinness and opening it.

 

That wasn’t the exact truth, his father made him choose between them more or less. They had been in London for maybe a month, one day when he came from school all Hope’s belongings had been taken. His father came home from work and told him that Hope has moved out and if he wants to be with ‘that cheating bitch’ he could. Remus mainly stayed with his dad because it had felt like his mother had left him.

 

“Can you actually use milk instead of beer? I can’t have alcohol,” he spoke up.

 

“Oh, what happened?”

 

“Um… I am an alcoholic. It’s just better if you don’t…”

 

“Of course, cariad. Are you okay if I drink it?” She asked and Remus nodded. “Back to your father, how is he?”

 

It felt like a punch in the gut. He knew that his mother didn’t mean any harm in asking but it was hard to not take it in a bad way. He figured she would’ve found out from someone that he had died. “He died twelve years ago.”

 

She walked over to Remus and pulled him into a hug. “Oh, cariad.”

 

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” he forced a smile on his face. She kissed his forehead before going back to the rarebit.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I always thought that we would get back together in the end, maybe because you never forget your first love,” she said dreamily as she stirred the rarebit cheese. “I was so young when I meet him, got caught up in a whirlwind with him and you came along, my little boy.”

 

“I’m not that little, I’m thirty-four,” Remus let out a breathy laugh.

 

“You’ll always be my little boy,” she turned around and smiled.

 

Remus has never really put much thought into his dad and what he had gone through when Hope left. He never asked about it and Lyall never talked about it. That was Lyall though if he didn’t want to talk about something you couldn’t. He probably was still in love with her, they were together for 16 years or so. “I think he, Dad, felt the same way, he never dated anyone after you.”

 

Hope sighed. “What about you?”

 

“What about me?” he asked.

 

“Your first love, was it Evan?”

 

“No,” he said. She nodded in relief.

 

“Who was it then?”

 

“Just someone.”

 

“Tell me, I missed out on all this stuff.”

 

Remus sighed, he did want to tell her everything but he didn’t know how much Sirius would want her to know. Remus remembered when his father found out about who Sirius actually was, they had a massive fight. It was at Remus’ 18th birthday dinner, Alice was starstruck when she met Sirius and Lyall wanted to know why. “It was a guy I met when I was seventeen, we were engaged and he left me on our wedding day which was about a month before Dad died.”

 

“He left you on your wedding day?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What’s his address? I’ll cut his dick off.”

 

“It wasn’t really his fault, well part of it was but not completely his fault,” Hope raised an eyebrow at his explanation. “He um… he thought I did something, which I didn’t, I felt like I didn’t deserve him and that he wouldn’t believe me so I didn’t tell him the truth.”

 

Hope nodded. “What happened after that?”

 

“I ended up moving to Cardiff.”

 

“That explains the accent, you don’t sound northern anymore,” she smiled. “So why did you come home?”

 

“I just needed to get away from London… Wales can feel like the end of the Earth,” he shrugged. “Also, I didn’t really plan on coming here. I just drove and ended up here.”

 

“I know what you mean,” she said as she the cawl into the microwave. “I was thinking about you yesterday. I was cutting a woman’s hair and she was talking about how her son is having a child, he is nineteen. It made me realise that you are a similar age I was when it happened to

you.”

 

“Right,” Remus sighed.

 

“How is my grandson?” she put the rarebit into under the grill.

 

“Wouldn’t know, he currently isn’t talking to me.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I had a fight with his stepfather, he took his side.”

 

“Must’ve been a hell of a fight.”

 

“Yeah,” he sighed. A few moments later his mother but a bowl of cawl in front of him and two pieces of rarebit. “You didn’t have to cook for me.”

 

“Of course I did, you’re my child. I’m not going to let you spend money at the inn, ever since Evan took over it’s rubbish and expensive,” she rolled her eyes.

 

Remus felt another punch in his gut. “Evan, as in-”

 

“Your Evan, yes. I was just as surprised as you are. I was like the same Evan Rosier that went to jail for robbing Joseph, running the Village Inn? Crazy,” she explained. “Apparently he is a new man, is married to a woman, has two kids. I bet that man has murdered someone, he looks like he could do it.”

 

“Right…”

 

“I take it as you didn’t know,” she raised an eyebrow.

 

“No, I didn't. In saying that, I haven’t talked to anyone from here since we moved to London.”

 

“He hasn’t said anything when he’s seen me, I think he might be scared of me.”

 

“You did threaten to cut his cut his dick off with your scissors.”

 

“I meant it.”

 

“I think he knows that,” Remus laughed and Hope smiled in return.

 

After dinner, they sat outside at an old wooden table. Remus had _Rubber Soul_ mug in his hand that once belonged to his father with black tea in it. His mother sitting across from him drinking coffee out of a mug with a Torah passage on it.

 

“Would you like a biscuit?” Hope asked.

 

“Sure,” Remus smiled.

 

She stood up and walked just inside the door. “Is custard creams still your favourite?” she called out.

 

“Yeah,” he replied. He pulled out his packet of cigarettes and put one between his lips before lighting it with the candle that was burning on the table.

 

“I always knew you’d come back to me,” she said placing a container of custard creams on the table.

 

“What?”

 

“When you stopped talking to me, I always believed you would talk to me again.”

 

######  _SATURDAY_

 

Remus walked downstairs, Sirius was sitting on the couch with his back facing him. His mother was across from him with a wooden box full of stuff. Hope looked up at Remus and smiled.

 

Sirius turned around and flashed a charming smile. He held up a poster of himself that Remus had when he was a teenager. “You never told me that you had a poster.”

 

“I was fourteen,” Remus rolled eyes.

 

Ever since he found out he had been speaking to Sirius Black back when he was seventeen, he tried to push the whole fan thing into a closet. Which worked, up until now. It wasn’t as if he was a die-hard fan, he had listened to his music and found him hot.

 

“Did you wank over it?” Sirius asked.

 

Remus groaned. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I came looking for you, some man at the shop said I’ll probably find you here,” Sirius slowly stood up from the couch and made his way to the staircase. He stood at the side of it looking awkwardly up at Remus.

 

Remus internally cursed, Joseph the chatterbox. He honestly couldn’t believe that Sirius had come looking for him and actually successfully found him. “Why did you come looking for me?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said threading his fingers through Remus’ on the railing.

 

“What are you sorry for?” Remus pulled his hand back.

 

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, it was on impulse,” he explained. “You know me and my impulses.”

 

Hope looked at the two men, her son standing on the staircase and the man standing next to it. She felt like she was intruding on a moment that wasn’t meant for her to see. She stood up and started walking up the stairs. “I’m going to go have a shower.”

 

Once she had disappeared down a hallway, Sirius walked around and sat next to him. We wrapped an arm around Remus’ shoulder and kissed his temple. Remus looked across at him. “What are you doing?”

 

“I know you’re probably freaking out inside about her,” he said.

 

Remus sighed looking at his hands. “Sirius…”

 

“Do you want to be with me?” Sirius asked softly.

 

Despite it being whispered, Remus heard what Sirius asked. He shuffled himself so he was facing the older man. “What?”

 

“I love you Remus and I want to be with you, do you… do you feel the same?” he moved his arm from his shoulder and threaded their fingers together.

 

“You applied for an annulment.”

 

“Because I thought that’s what you wanted,” he groaned running his fingers through his hair.

 

“I don’t.”

 

“You don’t what?”

 

“I don’t want the annulment,” Remus said. Sirius crashed his lips into Remus’ causing Remus to fall against the railing.

 

The kiss took Remus by complete surprise but definitely wasn’t unwanted. His hand went into Sirius’ hair and held the back of it, guiding him to do what Remus wanted. It was passionate and heated, if they weren’t sitting on a staircase in his childhood home with his mother only a few metres away, they would probably be naked.

 

Being around Sirius was intoxicating, his judgement was clouded. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to be with Sirius, he wanted this to work desperately. It was like he got transformed into a school kid that didn’t know how to act whenever their crush talked to them. Considering that was him once with Sirius, nothing had changed much.

 

Sirius pulled back and had a wicked grin across his face. “Did you wank over the poster?”

 

“Fuck off,” Remus wiped his mouth.

 

“So you did?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

 

“I never said that.”

 

“How often?”

 

Remus rolled his eyes, he knew he wasn’t going to win this argument. “I don’t wank over you as a fifteen-year-old.”

 

“But you do wank over me now? How often? Weekly?” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. Remus just ignored him so he continued. “Daily?”

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “You know my mother is upstairs.”

 

“Daily, really?” a smile spread across Sirius’ face. Remus gave him an unamused look and Sirius huffed, that look meant it was the end of that conversation. “Your mother is really something.”

 

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

 

“She hit on me,” he shrugged. It wasn’t unusual for women to hit on him, he found it somewhat as a usual occurrence. “Anyways, have you ever wanked over me as a fifteen-year-old?”

 

“As I said, my mother is upstairs.”

 

“Really? You have fucked me multiple times with Lyall in the next room.”

 

He scoffed at Sirius. “Well, Lyall knew to mind his own business, Hope very much doesn’t. Also, this is a staircase, not a bedroom.”

 

“You know, I love you,” he pressed a kiss onto Remus’ temple.

 

“I love you too, baby doll,” he smiled softly. Sirius’ arm that was originally stretched over his shoulder wrapped around his arm linking them together. “We still have issues, you do know that right?”

 

He leaned rested his head against Remus’ arm and sighed. “When don’t we?”

 

They sat on the stairs quietly, just enjoying each other’s company. A few minutes passed before Sirius spoke up again. “You know, you never said your mother was young.”

 

“She’s not that young,” Remus raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t _that_ young, she was 55. Young to Remus would be teen parents like he is.

 

“I mean, compared to your dad,” he shrugged.

 

“My dad was eight years older than her, it’s hardly a major age gap.”

 

“I don’t know what I was expecting but when the door opened, it was not a Katharine Hepburn look alike.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “She looks nothing like Katharine Hepburn.”

 

“If you say so,” Sirius said unconvinced.

 

“Wait, who is Katharine Hepburn? Is it that Breakfast at Tiffany’s girl?”

 

“No, that’s Audrey. Katharine is in The Philadelphia Story,” Hope said as she walked down the stairs.

 

Remus had no idea who that was. He knew when they get home from Wales if their relationship doesn’t completely fall apart, Sirius is going to make him watch her entire filmography. “I have no idea who that is.”

 

“Of course you don’t, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” Hope said as she put her pearl earrings in. She had an old Hollywood look about her, she was wearing a suit and her hair was curled.

 

After breakfast, which consisted of eggy bread and tea, they sat on the couch and Hope had pulled out old photo albums of Remus. The woman had practically kept everything he had ever touched, which surprised him. She had his old school uniform, awards from when he was 6 years old, an old diary, pictures he had drawn, love letters he had written to his mum.

 

It made Remus think about how Teddy used to draw him pictures and write him notes about how much he loved him. All the drawings Teddy used to give him, Remus knew that he would pursue a career to do with it, which he was correct. Sirius always said that he should just leave it a hobby before his favourite thing was destroyed. When Teddy had gotten accepted to do his architecture degree, Remus was beyond happy.

 

Sirius nudged Remus with his elbow breaking him out of his thoughts. Sirius was pointing at a picture of him at his grandmother’s place in Portsmouth in overalls when he was 6 or so. “Remus, look how cute you were.”

 

“Were?” Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius just smiled back at him. That smile could melt the iceberg that the Titanic hit, it was warm and soft.

 

“Lyall never had any stuff like this,” Sirius said flicking through the pages. He let out a laugh when he came across a picture of Remus and two other kids naked and covered in paint as a small child. He held up the album to show Hope, she also let out a laugh. “What on earth happened here?”

 

“We were at a friend’s house and Lyall was supposed to be supervising. He gave the kids paint and paper in their backyard. Remus had come to the back door and was saying ‘uh oh’ and there was paint everywhere,” She smiled fondly. It was before they had moved to Wales and lived in South London when he had a reasonable upbringing. “And I mean everywhere, there was paint on the walls, on the grass, on the dog, on them. It was a mess.”

 

Sirius kept flicking through the pages, smiling at almost every photo before closing that one and opening a smaller album. Sirius smiles across at Remus when he realised it was his Bar Mitzvah.

 

“Oh fuck, don’t look at that,” Remus tried to shut the book but Sirius managed to move it out his way quick enough.

 

Sirius playfully smirked as he looked at the photos. He was around Sirius’ height when the photos were taken, he was dressed up nicely and had braces. Sirius never knew he had braces but it does explain the almost perfect teeth. “I would’ve had the biggest crush on you if we had gone to school together.”

 

“Oh shut up,” Remus sat back and watched Sirius flick through more pages. He wasn’t really paying attention until he saw a picture of him holding a baby. He was certain it was Teddy when he was a newborn. “Is that?”

 

“Is that what?” Hope leaned over the coffee table to get a better look at the pictures. “Oh yeah, I made it when you turned eighteen, I was going to send it to you but I didn’t know where you lived.”

 

He took the album off Sirius and looked at the pictures of him and Teddy. Remus had bags under his eyes but was smiling as he held Teddy. From memory that was the day he was born. It was in the middle of winter, just before New Years Day. They had gotten the call the night before at 10:30 PM that Tonks had gone into active labour, whatever that meant, and Teddy came at 4 AM. Remus and Lyall were in the delivery room when she gave birth and he was horrified at it. They had been staying at a motel since boxing day waiting for the call while Hope was back in Wales and only came once Teddy had been born.

 

“Do you have any copies of these photos? I have never seen these,” Remus asked his mother, she nodded and went over to her craft corner which was originally the dining room. She came back and gave him a ziplock bag full of photos of baby Teddy.

 

Remus opened them and started going through it. There were pictures of him asleep in the bassinet, some he was asleep in Remus’ arms.

 

“Fucking hell,” Sirius snatched the photo of him holding Teddy for the first time out of his hands.

 

“What?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

Sirius looked at the photo, his finger traced over Remus’ face. “You were fourteen.”

 

“Sirius,” he ran his fingers through his hair and tugged on the tawny curls.

 

“I mean like I _know_ but I’ve never seen pictures of you with him when he was a baby,” he stared at the photo intensely. “You look so… young.”

 

Remus laughed. “Compared to how ancient I look now?”

 

“You were a kid,” he said looking up at Remus finally. He looked mostly the same in the pictures, he had less noticeable freckles and some grey in his hair unlike when he was fourteen.

 

Remus sighed and shut the album, he also took the photo out of his hand and put it back in the sealed bag. “Alright, let’s stop looking at these. I think your brain is broken.”

 

Eventually, his mother started asking Sirius about his life. How old he is and what he does for work. After Sirius explained who he was, they started talking about music and the process of making an album. Another hot topic was which famous singers Sirius knows, it turns out he has met a lot of them. It doesn’t wholly surprise Remus, he has been a very popular singer for over a decade. He is actually surprised his mother didn’t know who he was.

 

Sirius then started talking about his childhood and his mother listened intently. Remus went out for a cigarette break when Sirius started telling stories about the mischief he and James used to get up to. He knew it was probably rude but he didn’t really want to listen to stories he’s heard a lot. When he came back inside Sirius wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

 

“That man is in love with you,” Hope said in a hushed tone before taking a sip of her coffee.

 

“That’s nice,” Remus shrugged as he sat on the couch opposite his mother.

 

She pursed her lips. “The way he talks about you…”

 

Sirius came out of the kitchen shoving his phone into the pocket of his jeans. He sat down next to Remus and stretched his arm out across the top of the couch. “Ted was annoyed that I didn’t text him I arrived safely.”

 

“Ted, as in Edward?” Hope asked.

 

“Yeah, why?” Sirius took a sip of his coffee.

 

“Just asking,” she waved her hand. “So, you two get along?”

 

“He’s my son, of course, I do.”

 

“Wait, you’re the step-father?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Nothing, just the pieces are coming together. So you were married to Nymphadora before she died?”

 

“Uh not exactly, I’m actually gay,” Sirius said.

 

“Then how?” she asked looking between them before it dawned on her. Sirius and Remus were married. She started slapping his leg playfully, very unimpressed that neither one of them had mentioned they were together. “Remus John Lupin, how dare you not tell me this was your husband.”

 

Remus threw his head back and laughed.  “Must’ve slipped my mind.”

 

“You absolute dickhead,” she hit his leg one last time.

 

A wide smile stretched across Sirius’ face, from ear to ear. “I completely agree.”

 

“I hate you,” Remus smiled.

 

Sirius poked his tongue out. “No, you don’t.”

 

Sirius and his mother started talking about her life. It was mainly how she met Lyall, one day she was walking home from her hairdresser apprenticeship and someone tried to rob her. His father stepped in then walked her home, naturally, she let him into her home and they shagged.

 

“I really didn’t need to know about the shagging thing,” Remus looked at Hope, she rolled her eyes. The mental picture of his parents together was not pleasant at all.

 

She crossed her leg over the other. “Cariad, I hate to break it to you but you are proof I’ve slept with Lyall.”

 

Sirius started asking her about how she was a hairdresser and then proceeded to ask her to cut his hair. They went to the bathroom and were there for god knows how long, Remus could hear laughing as he stayed sat on the couch. After a while, Sirius came back down the stairs with a smug grin and hair that look somewhat neat compared to what it normally is.

 

After lunch (which was a salad and ham bread roll) his mother told Remus to take Sirius on a walk around the neighbourhood and show him around. They had walked down to the beach which was across the road and through a skate park.

 

They sat on the beach flood barrier looking down at the rocky sand. It was a pleasant day and there were kids running around despite it being low tide. They were building sandcastles (which were more like rocks with some sand) and they splashed around in the little water around.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Sirius looked across at Remus, he raised an eyebrow but nodded regardless. “Your mother mentioned a guy called Fenrir…”

 

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of him. He honestly hadn’t heard that name

in years and he liked to keep it that way. He simply said, “Oh.”

 

“She said ‘I wish I did more to protect him, after Fenrir and Evan, even Teddy, the world never gave him a break’, just you’ve never mentioned him before.”

 

Remus knew he didn’t have to say anything about it but he also knew that it was unlikely Sirius would drop it. He would actually temporarily and bring it up again at a later date. “You know how I was born in London but we moved to Wales because of something?”

 

“Yeah,” he moved closer to him and placing his hand on top of Remus’.

 

“Well, there was this paedophile called Fenrir, my father made some statement about him on tv basically calling him an animal, he broke into our house and I think you get the point,” Remus said looking down at his feet.

 

“Rem, why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked softly.

 

“I was four, it’s not like I remember it,” he shrugged.

 

“Still.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“What happened to Fenrir?”

 

“I don’t know, I haven’t kept track.”

 

Sirius looked at his husband, there were times he felt like he was a spectator in their relationship. He knew Remus internalises everything while he gets angry and lashes out, but sometimes he wished he knew just something more. “Sometimes I just want you to let me in more.”

 

“Sirius…”

 

“No, I know you struggle to open up,” he ran his fingers through his freshly cut hair. “Even when we were engaged, it’s like I would look at you and think, I live with this man, I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with him but I barely know him.”

 

“Sorry,” he said looking at his feet.

 

“I mean I love you and everything, just sometimes you feel like a stranger,” Sirius said taking his husband’s hand in his and rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of it. “

 

They ended up going to an inn for dinner, one that Evan didn’t run since there were choices. They apparently did karaoke on Saturday nights. Charles, a man in his 50s, got up and sang Sexbomb by Tom Jones which according to his mother, he does every week. Remus wished he had never witnessed it.

 

Sirius ended up getting up and singing I Want Your Love by Transvision Vamps, the place ended up getting packed and basically turned into a Sirius concert. It seemed like the entire town found out and turned up at the inn.

 

When they got back to his childhood home they went up to Remus’ old bedroom straight away, Sirius was on top of Remus as soon as the door shut. Nothing happened besides them slowly snogging like teenagers.

 

######  _SUNDAY_

 

After Hope made them pancakes for breakfast, Remus and Sirius headed back to London. Remus packed the essentials and most of his clothing before going back over to Sirius’.

 

Teddy was staying with Oscar (since he had his own flat) like he did most days. Remus honestly didn’t remember the last time Teddy had actually stayed the night or just wasn’t passing through. He was glad his son had met someone but the fact that he had completely taken over his life was a little annoying.

 

Since Remus and Sirius were alone, they watched Katherine Hepburn’s movies (Remus couldn’t see the resemblance between her and his mother) and snogged on the couch. It made him feel like a teenager again, just kissing for the sake of it.

 

After they had dinner and watched a _Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace_ because Sirius wanted to watch young Ewan McGregor. He had actually wanted to watch _Trainspotting_ but Remus refused. It wasn’t as if he hated the movie just watching a movie about being a heroin addict while being one didn’t strike Remus as remotely enjoyable.

 

Sirius was hardly even watching the movie, he was curled up against Remus reading The Shining by Stephen King.

 

“Babe, I’m going to have a shower,” Remus said as he slipped out from under Sirius.

 

“You okay?” Sirius looked up at Remus, concern painted across his face.

 

“I’m fine,” he smiled before walking upstairs and into the en-suite.

 

When Remus came out of the bathroom after a fairly lengthy shower, Sirius was laid out on the bed reading the book in just his underwear. Remus walked over to the packed bag in the corner of the bedroom and found a pair of pants to wear.

 

Sirius crosses the room and pulled Remus into a kiss. His fingers dipped below the towel secured around Remus’ waist. The pads of Sirius’ fingers dig into the soft skin that was Remus’ arse.

 

Remus debated with himself whether to hold the towel in place or to cup Sirius’ cheeks. Holding Sirius seemed much more important than the towel. As he took Sirius’ face in his hands, Sirius’ other hand found where the towel was tucked and pulled on it.

 

The towel fell on the floor and Sirius wrapped his hand around Remus’ hardening cock. He moaned into the smaller boy’s mouth. He pulled back from the kiss and pushed Sirius’ to the top of his head. “Bed, yeah?”

 

Sirius pushed Remus towards the bed while kissing him, when the back of Remus' knees hit the bed he fell back onto it. He crawled completely onto the bed, Sirius not far behind him. Their mouths hardly ever parting except for breaths. Sirius took off pants before straddling Remus’ waist.

 

Both of their dicks were hard and leaking pre-come from the tips. Sirius shuffled back and positioned himself so he could lower himself down onto Remus’ gloriously hard cock. “Baby, you need to be prepped.”

 

“I did while you were in the shower,” he pecked his lips before pushing himself, so he up straight. Remus was glad he was lying down otherwise he thought he knees would’ve probably given way. “have you been tested because to condom or not to condom?”

 

“Yeah, I’m clean,” Remus nodded. Sirius smiled and pecked his lips again.

 

Sirius lowered himself down onto Remus’ erect cock. His hole stretched to fit his well-endowed husband, he wanted a moment to adjust to being filled. Remus’ hand went to Sirius’ hips and guided him, Sirius didn’t give in that easily though. He grabbed both of his hands and pinned them down on the bed. They knew that Remus could easily resist but he didn’t.

 

Watching Sirius fuck himself on his dick sent shivers down his done. Remus soaked in the sight of Sirius, he wanted it burned into his mind. He had always been beautiful, he would always be beautiful. Sirius’ tan skin, his tattoos, his hair, his body. All of him was perfect, from inside to out. This beautiful man was his husband, they were married. Usually, he wasn’t into not being the one in control but he knew he would do almost anything for Sirius. “God, you’re so fucking hot.”

 

A smirk formed on Sirius’ face as he bounced on his perfect cock. He slowed down and started moving his hips in the most delicious way. “Your cock is perfect.” Sirius moaned as his hips ground down.

 

Remus bucked his hips uncontrollably. Sirius’ head flew back and a loud gasp left his lips when Remus’ cock hit that spot. Remus thrust up again and Sirius let out another loud gasp. In a moment of weakness of Sirius’ behalf, Remus broke his hands-free from his grasp and put his hands on his hips to steady him. He thrust his hips up in hard and fast strokes. Sirius became a moaning blubbering mess on top of him. The heat of the man above was perfect around his cock, almost like his hole was made specifically for him.

 

The pleasure that rippled through them was so much stronger than a thought. They made each other feel like they were higher than the stars, elevating each other as if they could fly.

 

The orbit of Sirius’ hips was met with the deep thrusts of Remus. Their eyes met, the man above him wide-eyed, as if his soul was on sale for him. Sirius took his ring and middle finger and slipped them into Remus’ hot mouth. His tongue swirled around the digits. Everything was hot, like an eternal fire inside of them that only they could put out.

 

Remus sucked hard on his fingers, Sirius’ head flew back and his entire body trembled as he came. The white substance spilled from his cock all over the man below. Remus thought watching Sirius come without being touched was the hottest thing he had ever witnessed. He did two very sloppy thrusts and filled Sirius up with his seed.

 

“Fucking hell,” Sirius rolled off his husband, as Remus reaches over to the tissue box and cleaned up the mess on his stomach. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Can I have my fingers back?”

 

Remus took Sirius’ hand in his hand and guided them out but didn’t let go. “No, they belong to me.”

 

“Well, it does have your name on it,” he laughed sticking his ring finger up at him. Remus looked at the tattoo of his name on his finger, it looked darker and newer than what he remembered. He frowned. Sirius poked Remus’ nose. “I got them redone.”

 

“Them?”

 

“Remus,” he showed him the tattoo of his name before turning his hand to show him the other side that. “Moony.”

 

“Have you always had that?” he ran his finger along the ink.

 

Sirius placed a kiss Remus’ shoulder. “Yeah, I got it done when I originally got your name tattooed.”

 

 

######  _MONDAY_

 

(10:29) Remus?

 

(10:34) _Hi, Raksha_

 

(10:37) How much attention do you pay to the internet and social media?

 

(10:39) _Not much why?_

 

(10:42) Well, there’s a sex tape of Sirius going around

 

(10:44) _What do you mean?_

 

(10:46) I mean exactly that, there is a video of Sirius having sex with a guy that’s gone viral

 

(10:47) It looks old too

 

(10:49) _Oh_

  


——

 

Remus walked through the front door to Sirius’ (their?) home just before midday. He had managed to get the rest of the day cleared by pretending he was sick. The house seemed deserted, but it was such a large building Sirius was probably around somewhere.

 

“Baby, you home?” Remus called out as he put his bag down and his suit jacket over the staircase railing.

 

“I’m in the reading room,” he heard Sirius call out. He kicked his shoes off and walked into the reading room which was more like a library.

 

Sirius was curled up in an armchair with his glasses on and The Shining by Stephen King in his hand. Remus walked behind the armchair kissed the top of Sirius’ head. “Hey, you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” He said as he slotted a bookmark between two pages and closed the book before putting it on the coffee table in front of the armchair. Remus walked around to face him, he crouched down and cupped the man’s cheek. “Remus, really I am fine.”

 

“You sure?” Remus stroked Sirius’ cheek.

 

“Yeah, why?” he laughed and pushed the glasses to the top of his head.

 

He furrowed his eyebrows. Surely he would know about the sex tape, he didn’t know if he even had a manager, PR or a PA anymore but someone would at least reach out about it. “What do you mean why?”

 

“Why the sudden interest in my mood? Also, aren’t you supposed to be at work? You could’ve just texted me,” Sirius arched a brow.

 

“So, you don’t know?”

 

“Don’t know about what?”

 

“About the sex tape.”

 

Sirius blinked. “What sex tape?”

 

“An old sex tape of ours has been leaked.”

 

Sirius laughed and Remus looked at him disappointedly. “Wait, you’re not joking.”

 

“Why would I be joking?” Remus sighed.

 

“I don’t know, you’ve got a weird sense of humour… which I adore, but nevertheless, confuses me sometimes,” he said. Remus was a little disappointed that Sirius wasn’t upset and relatively calm about the whole thing. He had just been outed to the whole world and he is fine. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“What?”

 

“Remus, just because it doesn’t bother me doesn’t mean it’s not allowed to bother you. It happened to both of us and I am here for you.”

 

He sighed. “Yeah.”

 

“So you do want to talk about it?”

 

“Not really… I’m gonna have a bath or something,” Remus waved him off as he left the room.

 

“I’ll run you one,” Sirius said kissing Remus’ forehead. They went upstairs to the en-suite and Sirius started running a hot bath. He got out a lavender bath bomb from under the vanity and put it in the bath.

 

Remus took his clothes off and sat in the tub while the water was still rising. Sirius got undressed and sat behind Remus. He wrapped his arms around the younger man and kissed the nape of his neck.

 

“Why are you being like this?” Remus asked turning the faucet off when the water rose up just below his chest.

 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Being what?”

 

“Soft.”

 

“You’re my husband and I want you to be okay,” he said pulling Remus closer. Remus was now properly between Sirius’ legs and sitting back against him. His back was against Sirius’ chest and his arms were wrapped securely around his waist. “You’re so tall.”

 

Remus chuckled at his husband. “You’re small, like a baby.”

 

“I’m not that small,” Sirius huffed.

 

He smirked. “You’re below average height.”

 

“It’s my incest genes.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“It is! It’s my parents’ fault.”

 

“How did you end up so beautiful despite being a product of incest?” Remus asked.

 

“I ask myself that exact question every time I look in the mirror,” Sirius absentmindedly tracing shapes onto Remus’ shoulder.

 

Remus laughed. “Of course you do.”

 

Sirius started to wet Remus’ hair before squeezing shampoo onto his hand and running his fingers through his husband’s tawny hair. Remus loved Sirius’ affection, even when it’s just as simple as him washing his hair and taking care of him.

 

When they were first together the roles were often reversed, Remus took care of Sirius. Remus didn’t mind it, he would do anything for Sirius but he did like the fact that Sirius was taking care of him.

 

After the bath, they sat in silence next to each other on the sofa. Neither of them wanted to make the first move in the sex tape ordeal.

 

Sirius spoke up after ten minutes of awkward silence and asked Remus how he was. Remus claimed he was fine but he also felt like his privacy had been invaded, which it had. Sirius offered him to make a post about it but they agreed just to ignore it and it’ll eventually go away. Remus had spent the night with his head in Sirius’ lap and his fingers running through his hair to calm him.

 

######  _TUESDAY_

 

Remus woke up with Sirius being the big spoon again, it had started to become a regular occurrence. He used to hate being the little spoon when they first got together but now it was welcomed. Being held was actually nice, sometimes.

 

Remus tried to get out of Sirius’ grip but he was clinging on like a koala. “Baby, I gotta go to the gym.”

 

“Stay,” Sirius said kissing his back. He felt like this was going to be a regular thing, he wakes up and Sirius refuses to let go. Remus knew he could easily get out of his grip if he tried but he didn’t want to hurt him.

 

“Sirius…” he sighed. Sirius huffed and let go of Remus.

 

While running on the treadmill at the gym, a news alert flashed up on Remus’ phone. _More personal photos of Sirius Black have been leaked_ the headline read. Remus almost tripped over his feet but managed to turn the machine off without falling over. He felt sick as he unlocked his phone and brought the article up.

 

_Sirius Black, 34, had been headlined as recent as yesterday over a leaked sex tape. Early today private photos had been released._

 

He scrolled down the article, it seemed like there were hundreds of photos. _Personal_ photos. Only a few were of a sexual nature, they were mainly all of Sirius and him. Photos from their engagement party, of their disaster wedding, them on holidays together. There were photos of Teddy and Sirius.

 

Remus quickly collected his belongings and called in sick to work while driving home. When he walked through the front door he could hear Sirius yelling at someone.

 

“No, I don’t give a shit about the sex tape. There are photos of my fucking kid everywhere. I want every fucking single news outlet who has posted those photos to be sued,” he yelled into the phone. “I’m going to find who fucking released them and who even has them in their possession and I will fucking nail them to the ground.”

 

“I’ve got to go,” he said into the phone when he saw Remus was home.

 

“So I take it you know,” Remus said.

 

Sirius nodded as ran his fingers through his messy hair before reaching out to him. Remus stepped back out of Sirius’ reach. It wasn’t as if he was upset with him, he was just upset in general and didn’t want to be smothered.  “Rem…”

 

“I’m going back to bed,” he sighed. He just wanted to go to sleep and when he wakes up none of it had happened, he wished all of it just been a dream and he could go on with life normally.

 

Sirius smiled. “Okay, I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Remus pressed a kiss onto Sirius’ temple before heading towards the door.

 

“Do you think it could be Peter?” he called out when Remus started walking up the stairs.

 

Remus walked back down the stairs. “What?”

 

“I was just thinking, he published the book… could it be him? All the photos were from before it,” he said. Remus walked back down to the bottom of the staircase.

 

It was a sound theory but he couldn’t understand why Peter would do it. It’s not like they’ve talked since the wedding or even had heard about each other. It was like Peter just dropped off the face of the earth after it happened. Remus didn’t even know how Peter would even get some of those photos. “I don’t know.”

 

“Yeah, right,” he nodded.

 

Remus forced a smile on his face. “Don’t do anything stupid without me, alright?”

 

“I won’t…” Sirius smiled.

 

Remus went upstairs and got out of his gym clothes and fell asleep on top of the covers listening to Jeff Buckley’s album _Grace_. He believed that album is a masterpiece from start to finish.

 

“Hey, I have lunch,” Sirius shook Remus awake. He was holding a plate of papri chaat. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Remus sat up and took the plate and fork from his husband.

 

Sirius sat on the edge of the bed looking across at his husband, who was shovelling food in his mouth. “Remus, you don’t… you’re not alone in this, it happened to me too.”

 

“I never said it didn’t,” Remus sighed and put the plate down on his bare legs.

 

“I meant it as you’re not alone and you have me,” Sirius said softly. “You can talk to me.”

 

“You made it clear that it doesn’t matter to you.”

 

“This… this is on a completely different scale to a five-minute sex tape where you don’t see your face,” Sirius groaned.  “Also it does matter to me because it matters to you.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“My lawyer is looking into what we can do.”

 

“Was that who you were yelling at before?”

 

“No, that was James actually.”

 

“Oh, right,” he nodded. “Don't you feel violated?”

 

“Of course I do, just at the moment it’s about you,” Sirius rested his hand on Remus’ shin. “I’ve been living in the spotlight since I was a kid, I’m used to the press being shitheads. Just, you’ve now lost your anonymity and you’re going to be scrutinised.”

 

“We’re okay, right?”

 

“We'll always be okay,” Sirius smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have found out my father has cancer, so I can't say for certain when I'll update next. I have most of it written out but this has thrown a spanner in the works. I am doing reasonably okay so it shouldn't impact it too much.


	11. 29TH of NOVEMBER 2038

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue.  
> we're taking it back to the start for the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i actually managed to write his fairly quickly so here is a double update.

They had driven down to Brighton for the day, which took Sirius a lot of convincing on Remus’ part. Remus looked to the left of him at Sirius as they sat on Brighton Beach. Sirius had pulled the sleeves of his parka around his hands so his fingers weren’t cold. They were listening to Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros' _Home_  on shared earphones. December was on the horizon.

 

Everything had turned out reasonably okay after the leak. It turned it was Peter who released the photos and Sirius was one step away from killing the man. He ended up going to jail for 18 months for revenge porn.

 

Sirius ended up making a video explaining his sexuality, the fact he was forced to come out, how he is married and a father but it is no one’s business. He also addressed the fact that he had retired from music.

 

After the court case, Sirius stepped out of the limelight the best he could. He ended up transforming his childhood home into a refuge for LGBTQ+ youth who had been kicked out of their homes. It wasn’t perfect but it made him happy.

 

Teddy and Oscar had broken up after six months. He had come out as pansexual just before they had broken up. He had met a French girl Victoire in his last year of uni and they had moved to Nottingham where he continued his Architecture degree and she taught at a primary school.

 

Remus’ relationship with his mother and siblings were decent. He saw Raksha fairly often and he got along best with her than anyone else. He hardly saw his mother since she was in Wales but they talked often, after not having her in his life for so long it felt, but it was good.

 

Lily and James had a daughter called Ida, who was now two and was obsessed with her Uncle Padfoot. Harry was in university studying education and was dating a football player Ginny, the Weasley’s youngest.

 

Since Remus didn’t want any more children, they adopted a black Groenendael dog named Snuffles. He was like the dog version of Sirius, he was loyal, energetic and very affectionate. Whenever Remus was around, he would follow him everywhere. He usually slept on the bed at Sirius’ feet.

 

In the mornings Remus would take him for a run instead of going to the gym and when they’d get home Sirius was usually up and had made breakfast. They would have breakfast together before heading off to work. Remus usually cooked dinner and they watched the news together while eating. Sometimes Snuffles would sit on a chair with them while they eat dinner.

 

Remus hadn’t consumed alcohol since their wedding and was dedicated to staying sober and clean, he had also quit smoking. Sirius wasn’t completely sober but only drank alcohol on special occasions. After doing cognitive processing therapy and taking medication, Sirius was doing much better with his PTSD. They also started couples counselling just after the leak, because they both desperately wanted this relationship to work out.

 

Sirius huffed, he could see his breath. “It’s bloody fucking cold, why did you decide to take me here in fucking November?”

 

“I texted you from this beach exactly twenty years ago today,” Remus said looking around the gloomy beach. It was way too cold for anyone to come out and swim, but here they were sitting on the sand.

 

“What?” Sirius looked at him stunned.

 

“This was the beach I was at when I accidentally texted you,” he softly smiled at the man he had loved for the past twenty years. Sirius was staring at him with tears welling in his eyes. “Baby.”

 

“Shut up,” he wiped the tears away from his face before reaching down and holding his husband’s hand. “I promise I won’t complain about how cold it is… anymore.”

 

“Are you okay?” Remus asked brushing the black long hair out Sirius’ face with his other hand.

 

“I’m just having an emotion orgasm,” He laughed. “If someone had told me at twenty-two that I would be married to you and happy, I would haven’t believed them.”

 

Remus pressed his forehead against Sirius'. “You know, it's only ever been you. It will always be you.”

 

“Fabian always said I was like a black hole, that I just suck everything good out of the world until there is nothing left.”

 

“Fabian is the black hole, you're a fucking star, the brightest star of them all.”

 

“I love you,” he kissed Remus’ cheek.

 

Remus smiled at Sirius. “And I love you.”

 

“You know, I found it,” Sirius spoke up after ten minutes of sitting on the beach quietly.

 

“Found what?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

Sirius took Remus’ right hand and placed it over his Nauthiz tattoo. “Acceptance and peace of mind.”

 

Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder and looked out at the waves that were crashing into the beach. Their fingers intertwined with another’s. After everything, they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank everyone who has been on this journey with me. i really appreciate it, thank you so much.


End file.
